Fireworks at work

Spent the day doin basically nothing. i went to Daniel's house early to get Ben a present. We then went to carousel and bought a card and the present. We then went back to daniels place and watched jackass 2. It was a really wrong movie. So much extreme stuff happened. Went to work and watched the fireworks which were launched practically next door to the workplace. It was great because we had front row seats. Actually we were leaning against our cars in the parking lot. After work i met up with Daniel again and we went to a car show place where they were preparing the fancy cars for show. There were a lot of fancy shiny sports cars there. We then went to the city and had singapore style crab again. i'm back at daniels place now. Extremely tired. Must go home soon. Its been a long day

From the Wash

i've had a busy weekend. Went to Orbit to complete Time Crisis 4. Well since i'm a really crap player i continued from someone who quit just before the place where i got up to. The other player continued playing like a crazy pro. i wasn't so good but managed to stay alive while the pro completed the game. The result? i have my name in the highest top score board. i don't really deserve it. Daniel, Ben and i had dinner at Spencer's and i went back to Ben's place to check out the expansion for F.E.A.R. It was very scary and really cool. For a moment i thought there was the little ghost girl in REAL LIFE at the corner of my eye standing in the shadows, but turned out to be his little sister. Scared the crap outta me. i didn't think i could play from then on. Hmm. Not much happened this week, just work and stuff. My mum washed my pants which had my little 2 gig flash drive in it. Yesterday i woke up coz she took the clothes out of the washing machine and found the flash drive and was screaming at me saying it was my fault...i wasn't too concerned coz i heard stories of how flash drives survive washing machines and my flash drive had a rubber skin casing. After a few minutes sleeping i checked it again and discovered that water managed to get under the rubber that protected the steel casing and the labels where i printed out a mushroom pic and my email. It ruined and smudged the printed labels underneath the rubber and then i was afraid coz water actually got under the rubber and had the potential to get through its steel casing. Well i tested it out and i was relieved that it still works fine. i wouldn't recommend washing it or declaring its waterproof. i'm just a bit lucky i think.

Time Crisis 4!

Ok, going to the city at closing time on a Sunday was not a good idea, especially when i had a craving for sushi. Haven't had that in ages. Daniel and i walked to all the japanese sushi places to discover that they were not open on weekends or just were closing down. My stupidity. We dropped by Orbit (as it was closing down) and played Time Crisis 4. i used to think Time Crisis 2 was awesome....and then there was Time Crisis 3 with the cool new weapons. But Time Crisis 4 kicks heaps of butt. There were different situations, different places we could fire from that are actually moving, instead of being standing behind cover all the time. Well i died first as usual. My gaming skills suck really bad compared to my friends. We ate at Spencer and then visited Ben. Ben has a super computer which i am almost jealous of. Its prepared for Vista AND quad core chips that aren't even out yet. Went back to Daniel's and watched 40 year old virgin. That was pretty funny. i think i did do an ok job of making the most out of a weekend. i think the trick is visiting friends and eating food. This week has been pretty boring. Just a lot of working and sleeping. i wake up really late but i think its because i sleep really late. Hmm. At least its gone by pretty fast and i can look forward to the next weekend which would be doing a whole lot of nothing.

Too soon

This weekend went by too soon. The party at Jamies was really great. i got wasted for the first time in months. i think i fell asleep a few times too. i don't think i did anything stupid. But Jamie does have some very CRAZY friends. VERY crazy. But everyone was still cool. Still it was a very funny night and i'm also kinda surprised by how strong woodstocks are. Or maybe i just have a really bad tolerance to alcohol. i had to crash at his house overnight. i'm just chilling at Daniels now and just bumming around. Might go to city in a little while.

Long Live the Weekend

Going to a small barbeque tomorrow at Jamie's house on the top of the mountain. i want to drink heaps and forget all my troubles. Never seen Jamie drunk before. This should be interesting. Dunno if i should spend the night. Depends how trashed i am. i'm afraid his pets might eat me or poop on me if i'm passed out. i hope i don't do anything too bad. Eg suicide attempt, public vomiting, nudie flashing or worse....hitting on his sister. DON'T KILL ME JAMIE!!!!

Smile?

My supervisor asked me yesterday night at work, "Chris, you don't smile a lot do you?" i told her that i don't. And she asked why. Well she didn't have to ask that. Anybody could figure it out. i told her i wasn't a happy person. She asked why again. And i couldn't really answer that. Theres too much within me to just tell anyone about. There are a lot of things i don't want people to get involved with it. Its just my problem. i do smile and laugh though. When i see something funny, or when i hear a joke. Other than that i don't really find any reason to smile. i'm just getting by. Theres no point in wasting the energy to smile. At least i don't frown. It takes more muscles to frown than to smile.

Nothing to do

i can barely type. The effects of alcohol are coming. Had jack with coke and leftover lasagne. Wondering why it has to be like this. Or maybe just wondering it IS already like this and accepting it? or sticking with it. i don't particularly like the taste of jack. But it helps i think. Takes time to swallow it down and takes effort not to throw up. Just hoping the effects can take the awful feelings away. i don't think it does, but its a change at least. Its different from 30 mins ago. i am occupied with something at least. My face feels warm. Almost like i'm in bed with blankets snuggled and ready to sleep. i would be happy if i can dream and sleep straight away. i don't like this. Nothing is real. But it is real and thats why i hate it so much.

A night at work

i started work as usual at 5 yesterday. Actually i was a bit late and had to do a crazy rush dancing with traffic to get to work on time. When i walked in, i managed to clock in at 4:59pm =D Perfect timing. Anyways it was a long hard night at work. We were pulling out pallets onto the floor for such a long time. Non stop pulling until about 8. Since we're understaffed, they hired new people so we're seeing a few new faces around, but they still have to learn the basics. i got put in the outdoor section and had to work the night alone. So much dog food, cat food and pottery to go through. When we finished it was 2am. My dad called while i was driving back from work. He didn't seem happy and probably thought i was up to something. i think he suspects that i finished work early and that i was out somewhere. It'll be pretty funny if he wasn't so angry about it. The pic on the left is what appears to be 2 monkeys caught in a comprimising position. Taken on the day Al and Deena 'retired'. Anyways i woke up at 12 pm today sore, but at least not tired.

i hate widgets

i just literally spent most of the day from 12:pm till now creating a 'beta' blogger version of the current template which i used to have. i tried to make it look as similar as i could get it to the old template. There was so much trial and error and alot of going hmm. i basically had to create a new blog and use it as a test to see if what i wanted to do was possible. Turns out it was. What i like about the 'beta' version is that it allows labels, and allows cool navigation and also has a cool way of presenting archives. i better go to sleep now. Going to drift event tomorrow. Actually its today coz its past 12 am.

Eagles WON!

One year since eagles lost the grand final, but they got their revenge now. Winning by one point too...such a crazy close game. Just like my life is really crazy. On thursday my sis failed her driving test only because she didn't stop close enough to the stop sign. And on friday, the girl i asked out is quitting work. i think she's pissed at me coz i didn't get her a goodbye present. She probably thinks i don't think of her much. She doesn't know that since the day she told me her car was a Getz, i've looked at EVERY Getz that drove past seeing if its her that's driving it. On wednesday i saw her for the first time driving past me. i knew it wouldn't work out. She's exactly the opposite of me. i'm not gonna become attached to her coz it would kill me if i do. It helps that she doesn't really seem as if she's interested at all. Also two of my workmates left on friday. Its really sad to see them go coz i've seen them work there ever since i started. And they are very good people and hard workers. i think i said something awful to an online friend last night. Now i'm afraid i lost a friend. i don't have many friends. Should i lose them all?? i dunno what to do.

What a burger

i've been pretty miserable for the past week. So i've been doing things to help me feel better. Like buying a 2 GB usb flash drive. And eating junk food. Loads of junk food. Taking all the chocolate from the pantry. In fact i think i had either hungry jacks or maccas about 6 times in the past week. Different kinds of burgers....i'm trying to find the most fattening one that would also be the most filling. Double quarter pounder is not bad. They're filling and cheesy. Double bacon deluxe burgers are quite good but they're based on the cheeseburger bread and patty size. My dad told me on the previous night to wash the Getz in the morning and then take it to the city to get it rust proofed. There was so much bird shit on every single side of the car. After i cleaned it, i then had to endure the stress of teaching my sis how to drive to uni. i wish she could drive closer to the middle of her lane. It was raining by the time i reached the rust proofing place. i had to sit in a small room for over an hour as they did the job. i felt so hungry and my stomach was making funny noises and i was wondering what kind of burger would be really
nice. When i got the car back i ordered a double whopper meal yesterday and i told them to put bacon in it. Two flame grilled whopper size beef patties with oily bacon on the top, sandwiched between mayo, lettuce, pickles, tomato and a sesame bun. It would of been better if there was cheese in it as well. But it was satisfying, very unhealthy but satisfying especially with large chips and large coke. i really needed to eat something which was filling after the crap day i had. If i had died from the amount of cholestrol and calories that i had ingested, i would of died happy, knowing that i am not hungry, that i was satisfied, my tastebuds were happy, and it wasn't gonna get much better than this. Except with cheese of course.

i'm gonna get it then

i told him he could use the computer now, and his response, quote,
"NOT INTERESTED". So what i got so far is goin over 100km/hr on a
highway into a light pole, or jumping off a tall car park building.
Hmm. Can't say i'm too eager to try either of them coz i think this
whole thing is stupid. Who deserves shit like this??

Treated like crap

i just wanted to check my email about 5 mins ago but my dad got into
the room 10 secs before me and told me to f$%^ off and go to bed.
Problem? Well my dad normally uses the other computer, but my sis is
doing her homework on it, so my dad decided to go to the computer
which i bought instead. What really pissed me off is the way he can
talk to me as if i'm like a nobody and it was ME who bought the
computer off Jamie. i spent all day helping his friend install a
cabinet, while he decided to go out to the city and came home to
sleep, hardly even helping or even seeing his 'friend' who is making
the cabinet for him for free. Why does it have to be this way? i
really must find a fast and effective way to kill myself. i better
give him the computer now before he makes a big deal out of it. i won
the argument, coz he knew he was wrong so i'm on it now. i'm giving
it back to him after sending this blog through email so hopefully he
doesn't give me any more shit than i already have to live through.

Insignificance

i was at work today pulling out the special sales tags from shelves
coz it was the last day of the MONSTER storewide sale. Anyways a very
pregnant lady came up to my aisle, looked up and began to climb the
shelf to get a high item. i can't believe that she didn't ask me for
help as i was quite literally next to her. i stopped her from
climbing and took down the item for her. The fact that she would risk
injury to an unborn child to get an item that she couldn't be bothered
asking me for help really made me feel like nothing. i mean i always
feel insignificant anyway, but now i know that i must also LOOK
insignificant too. That really made me feel like i was noone. i was
in kmart uniform, and unlike some of my workmates, i had the black
pants and black shoes as well instead of sneakers. i guess i should
get used to it. i AM insignificant and probably always will be.

Not fair

It's been hard weekend for me. So much crap to go through. If there was a fast and easy and painless way to die, i wouldn't hesitate to take it and go. i'm in that horrible state now. i hate being used. i have to find a way to be free. My dad thought it would be a good idea to buy a dvd recorder so that he can hook it up with the video cam to record his stupid dancing. i have no problem with that except he puts pressure on me to get it working. It pisses me off so bad. i was being criticized for plugging in the cables coz my dad thought i was plugging them in wrong. When i try to explain to him that theres no point in plugging the video and 2 audio heads in the 3 HD visual ports he tried to convince me that he's following the manual. It's so friggin stupid. i tried so hard to explain to him that theres no point in it, and that it doesn't work like that but he wouldn't listen. In the end he finally believed me, but i was still very annoyed that it took him so long. i actually had to show him by putting in a dvd that it works MY way and not his messed up way of not actually knowing what he is doing. The problem with some people is that they pretend to be smart but end up doing looking very stupid. He told me to get the video cam to dvd harddrive function working. i guess in the future, it means i have to tape all his crap for him coz he can't be bothered learning how to do it himself. In other news, i found out that my little cousin has leukemia. It's so not fair. No kid 3-4 years old deserves to have needle injections and undergo the pain of chemo. i really hope he does ok. He's learning how to talk and paint. There are his paintings and photos of him self all over the wall in his house. Life is so unfair. He's gonna spend a month in hospital. My parents want to support my uncle and aunty but that's causing them to argue at each other coz it puts pressure on them. They want to organise with my other uncles and aunties to cook for them. i sense that there IS a messed up mixuture of competition or responsibilty of some sort and it is causing troubles beneath the surface. There is never any peace and quiet. This house is so chaotic. i just want it to end so badly. i guess this is how people turn to drugs. i want to drink lots of alcohol and feel the effects. It's a very strong feeling that i want to feel and forget all this crap. i don't deserve this anger and pain.

Subway, Eat Fresh

i was gonna blog last night, but i had a really big day and just needed to crash. On tuesday i woke up to my phone ringing. Jamie wanted to meet up to discuss his software application, so we decided to meet up at garbo for lunch. i wanted subway coz i've been eating a lot of junk food recently. i asked for a foot long, and when the girl asked what type i wanted, i just said, "Anything, surprise me." And as she made the sub, she asked if this bread, salad, sauce is ok, and i said, "Yeah, anything." She told me, "you're easy to please" and i thought, yeah, if i'm paying for the food, and for the food to be made, i might as well have them decide what i'm getting as well. i don't have to pay extra for that. Turns out the sub was probably the best sub i've ever had. After gobbling it up i realised i didn't know the name of the sub or if it even had a name, so if i wanted the same sub again, i'm totally stuffed. Anyways me and Jamie talked about the software which we're gonna make good and then sell it to make millions. It's uber top secret stuff. After that i had work and a recovery lady who just started her shift walked by me said, "Hello sweety" and put a hand on my back and moved it down to my butt. In a reflex motion i immediately arched my back and thought WHOA, CREEPY. i'm sure she didn't mean anything by it, but my butt is ultra sensitive to touch. i remember i was shopping once and a woman lightly brushed her trolley against my butt. i literally jumped in the air. Anyways i also saw the girl i have a crush on and she told me she was moving away soon. i was ripped apart. Couldn't think straight, didn't know what to say. So many things that i WANTED to say but it all came to my head at once and i couldn't say anything. i don't want to get down over it. i'm sure she doesn't want that too, so i'm gonna force myself to play ragnarok and level up my lil bro's character. Tonight i had an easy night at work. Tomorrow i have to pick up my aunty's car from the smash repair place. Always busy.

flirting or teasing?

i was really really happy and a bit confused at work tonight. Its
probably because she was there teasing me. i dunno if she was serious
or not, but i was really happy coz she talked to me and stuff.
Although much of what she said was jokes and made me laugh, i never
received that much attention from her at work before. i have to admit
that i was nervous about her being so flirty, and doing poses and
giving me looks, BUT i still liked it very much. i was happy that she
was having fun with me and knew that i'm not really good in such
situations. Its so confusing. Shes probably just teasing me, i don't
know. i'd really like to know what she really is thinking sometimes.
Meh. i got addicted to the word 'meh'. Its used in text. Commonly
written and read, but not usually spoken i think. Don't quote me. i
think its used to disregard the previous subject or end it in a polite
manner. Or maybe its just something to say when nothing else or
better can be said.

Enjoy life?

i think i know whats wrong with me at the moment. i'm not enjoying my
life. i'm also not doing anything about it either. And its because
that i'm not enjoying it, its forcing me to stay that way. In a hole i
created. i SHOULD be doing important things, like finding a career
job, find a way to move out, but i CAN'T. i keep putting myself down
so much that its now really hard to try. i'm also distracted by
things like quick money and relationships. It really sucks to be me. i
wish i was happier, but i have nothing really to be happy about. i'm
not the guy who drinks a lot but who knows? In the future i might
become some overweight alcoholic slob on a couch. i cannot really see
the future. While i was in uni i saw it probably ending up 6 feet
under before i reached 21. But now that i AM 21 and going on 22 is it
any different? Perhaps i should take comfort in knowing that i didn't
have the guts in the past and probably never will.

Long walk

i called her this morning. She seems to be ok so thats good i think.
i still don't know anything about her. i took the car to the mechanic
shortly after. Its been having heating problems. =( i decided to
walk home which is exactly 5 km away. It took about an hour. Almost
all of it was High Road. Thankfully the weather was superb. Not a
cloud in the sky and the wind was very light. Not many people walked
along paths anymore. So many cars passed me by. i walked into Maccas
and had a chocolate sundae and a medium coke. i then walked past my
old highschool. Can't believe its been over 5 years since i
graduated. i already finished uni too. Time really flies. Thats
something i'm really scared of. One day i might just wake up and
realise i wasted it all. i walked into the newsagent and bought
chewing gum (i don't know why, probably because i forgot to buy phone
credit instead). i then reached home a few minutes later. i still
don't know where i am going.

Really the printer's fault?

i'm really pissed off at my dad and he's pissed off at me. The printer isn't working anymore because the printer is out of ink. Brilliant. You have to be Einstein to figure that out. He's trying to push the blame to me. When i first installed the software and drivers for the F@#$&*^ printer one F@#$&*^ piece of software didn't install. It's called the F@#$&*^ "status monitor 3." i tried to look this problem up on the net. Only a few people have this specific problem and noone has posted (workable) solutions on how to fix it. Now it seems to be my F@#$&*^ fault that the F@#$&*^ status monitor didn't install. i have already contacted epson by email ages ago and they gave me F@#$&*^ advice which F@#$&*^ didn't work. However the printer could still work without the status monitor. It just doesn't show the level of ink there is left in each of the cartridges. i kinda aggravated my dad when i told him that i don't want to waste my time on it and that he should call up epson himself instead of wasting so much time on dancing. i couldn't really be bothered to waste time fixing the F@#$&*^ printer when i was the one telling my dad that he shouldn't F@#$&*^ get it and the only reason why he F@#$&*^ liked it was coz it could print on cds. So he F@#$&*^ bought it in the end and we hardly use the print cd function. The only reason why he uses the F@#$&*^ print cd function was so he could show it off to everyone in the family and his dancing friends that we could F@#$&*^ print on cds. Make that me. Just me. i was the one who printed the F@#$&*^ cds coz my dad can't do it. He just tells me to do it. i can't see the F@#$&*^ point in it when i can just scribble on the cd itself. So much easier and less time wasted. i know i shouldn't be using a lot of profanity but it pisses me off coz i'm being forced to do something i don't believe in and never did. That was a while ago. Its all quiet now. He's sitting 50 cm from me using the other computer right now. Lucky he's not reading this. He'll go beserk. =)