Ways of hurt

i went ice skating with my cousin again on Saturday. i tried to race
one of my cousin's friends and had a great time weaving very closely
between slow and fast ice skaters. i then slipped while trying a
tight turn, rolled in the air a couple of times and hit the ice hard
before skidding a few metres. Ouchie. But it was nothing compared 10
mins later when i tripped on the ice, and had a split second choice of
continuing forward, and risk landing on my face and causing a pile up
from skaters behind me, OR banking hard to the right and into the
barrier at high speed and risk hitting a man teaching his woman how to
skate. (Ice skating newbies usually hold on to the barrier for
support.) i chose to go into the barrier, but coz of the speed i found
out (too late) that i wasn't gonna make in into the barrier without
hitting the couple first. i didn't want a full body contact blow so i
sorta fell hard on my right knee and slid on the ice and crashed
headfirst into a pair of female legs. IT WAS SO EMBARRASSING. i said
so many sorrys. Luckily the woman didn't fall. The guy said to me,
"that's a good way to stop". And i was wondering IS HE ABOUT TO KICK
MY ASS?? i can fight on solid ground, but on ICE wearing ice skates??
He seemed non hostile though and i made my way to the bench to examine
my poor knee. Luckily the bruise was on the opposite side of my knee
away from the side where i had my arthroscopy. When i got home i
found a nasty gash on my left leg. It must of been where the ice
skate boot's edge rubbed against the skin. =( Pain. i spent Sunday
relaxing and resting my poor battered body. My arms seem sore for
some reason. Probably when i tried to break my falls on the ice.

i was hoping to see the girl i like at work today but unfortunately i
didn't see her at all. i bumped my knee accidently against a shelf.
IT HURT A LOT. Now i can't bend it all the way and i can't squat
anymore. =( i think i have a cold as well. My throat was really sore
and dry this morning and just now while i was under the shower my
hands felt COLD even though the water was HOT. i know i probably
should skip work tomorrow, but if i don't work then i don't get to see
her. Thats already been hurting me for the past couple of weeks. i
don't know which hurts more though. Health should come first, but
health means nothing when compared to feeling like crap.

i finally let go!!!

I just want you to know
That I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through
And then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe
That there's a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say
I would do it all again
Just want you to know - Backstreet Boys

i'm glad its not like that anymore. i feel better and i know better.
i finally have let go of the girl i liked for about 2 years. The hurt
was unbearable and i probably would not do it all again. i felt
like i WAS fighting to let her go and i am glad i finally have. It
didn't come that hard. It was just a little shock to find out the
pain wasn't worth it.

November Rain

i know am i'm sensitive so i have to deal with it. i know i get hurt easily so i have to deal with it. i'm still alive and i'd rather know and see what kills me first. So bring it on.

"Sometimes I need some time...on my own
Sometimes I need some time...all alone" -Guns N' Roses

Cool song. It kinda reflects my pain so i don't have to feel it.

At least i know for sure

i can't even remember what day i asked her... it was probably on Tuesday. i was glad we could talk over it properly, but also extremely sad. i couldn't let out any tears, but i was probably all ripped apart inside. A minute after when i left, it started raining. i'm not feeling anything inside me anymore. More like empty. It's been a tough week, i dunno how to get over it. i feel like more than a year has been wasted. Oh well, nothing i can do about it. Ben's birthday party is this Saturday. Haven't seen him in ages or the rest of the other guys.

Better now

i'm feeling better now. Or at least better than i was yesterday. i have enough hope to get by, but not so much as i can get crushed again from. i've got other stuff to focus on.. such as my journals, critique, research essay, assignment and a seminar i have to prepare by next week. If i die, i would rather die trying. Pain? i've been through worse.

Very depressed

"There's a lot of other fish in the ocean"...but what if i fell for a shark thats already bitten out a large chunk of me and swam off? =( i dunno what to do...i'm so lost. So much is running through my head. i don't know what i'm supposed to do...i keep talking to myself in my head so much. i don't know who i am anymore...its do this or do that... i don't have a will for anything anymore. Lucky i'm scared of pain, otherwise i would let go of everything which is pretty tempting since it would mean the end of my sadness.