i'm gonna get it then

i told him he could use the computer now, and his response, quote,
"NOT INTERESTED". So what i got so far is goin over 100km/hr on a
highway into a light pole, or jumping off a tall car park building.
Hmm. Can't say i'm too eager to try either of them coz i think this
whole thing is stupid. Who deserves shit like this??

Treated like crap

i just wanted to check my email about 5 mins ago but my dad got into
the room 10 secs before me and told me to f$%^ off and go to bed.
Problem? Well my dad normally uses the other computer, but my sis is
doing her homework on it, so my dad decided to go to the computer
which i bought instead. What really pissed me off is the way he can
talk to me as if i'm like a nobody and it was ME who bought the
computer off Jamie. i spent all day helping his friend install a
cabinet, while he decided to go out to the city and came home to
sleep, hardly even helping or even seeing his 'friend' who is making
the cabinet for him for free. Why does it have to be this way? i
really must find a fast and effective way to kill myself. i better
give him the computer now before he makes a big deal out of it. i won
the argument, coz he knew he was wrong so i'm on it now. i'm giving
it back to him after sending this blog through email so hopefully he
doesn't give me any more shit than i already have to live through.

Not fair

It's been hard weekend for me. So much crap to go through. If there was a fast and easy and painless way to die, i wouldn't hesitate to take it and go. i'm in that horrible state now. i hate being used. i have to find a way to be free. My dad thought it would be a good idea to buy a dvd recorder so that he can hook it up with the video cam to record his stupid dancing. i have no problem with that except he puts pressure on me to get it working. It pisses me off so bad. i was being criticized for plugging in the cables coz my dad thought i was plugging them in wrong. When i try to explain to him that theres no point in plugging the video and 2 audio heads in the 3 HD visual ports he tried to convince me that he's following the manual. It's so friggin stupid. i tried so hard to explain to him that theres no point in it, and that it doesn't work like that but he wouldn't listen. In the end he finally believed me, but i was still very annoyed that it took him so long. i actually had to show him by putting in a dvd that it works MY way and not his messed up way of not actually knowing what he is doing. The problem with some people is that they pretend to be smart but end up doing looking very stupid. He told me to get the video cam to dvd harddrive function working. i guess in the future, it means i have to tape all his crap for him coz he can't be bothered learning how to do it himself. In other news, i found out that my little cousin has leukemia. It's so not fair. No kid 3-4 years old deserves to have needle injections and undergo the pain of chemo. i really hope he does ok. He's learning how to talk and paint. There are his paintings and photos of him self all over the wall in his house. Life is so unfair. He's gonna spend a month in hospital. My parents want to support my uncle and aunty but that's causing them to argue at each other coz it puts pressure on them. They want to organise with my other uncles and aunties to cook for them. i sense that there IS a messed up mixuture of competition or responsibilty of some sort and it is causing troubles beneath the surface. There is never any peace and quiet. This house is so chaotic. i just want it to end so badly. i guess this is how people turn to drugs. i want to drink lots of alcohol and feel the effects. It's a very strong feeling that i want to feel and forget all this crap. i don't deserve this anger and pain.

Really the printer's fault?

i'm really pissed off at my dad and he's pissed off at me. The printer isn't working anymore because the printer is out of ink. Brilliant. You have to be Einstein to figure that out. He's trying to push the blame to me. When i first installed the software and drivers for the F@#$&*^ printer one F@#$&*^ piece of software didn't install. It's called the F@#$&*^ "status monitor 3." i tried to look this problem up on the net. Only a few people have this specific problem and noone has posted (workable) solutions on how to fix it. Now it seems to be my F@#$&*^ fault that the F@#$&*^ status monitor didn't install. i have already contacted epson by email ages ago and they gave me F@#$&*^ advice which F@#$&*^ didn't work. However the printer could still work without the status monitor. It just doesn't show the level of ink there is left in each of the cartridges. i kinda aggravated my dad when i told him that i don't want to waste my time on it and that he should call up epson himself instead of wasting so much time on dancing. i couldn't really be bothered to waste time fixing the F@#$&*^ printer when i was the one telling my dad that he shouldn't F@#$&*^ get it and the only reason why he F@#$&*^ liked it was coz it could print on cds. So he F@#$&*^ bought it in the end and we hardly use the print cd function. The only reason why he uses the F@#$&*^ print cd function was so he could show it off to everyone in the family and his dancing friends that we could F@#$&*^ print on cds. Make that me. Just me. i was the one who printed the F@#$&*^ cds coz my dad can't do it. He just tells me to do it. i can't see the F@#$&*^ point in it when i can just scribble on the cd itself. So much easier and less time wasted. i know i shouldn't be using a lot of profanity but it pisses me off coz i'm being forced to do something i don't believe in and never did. That was a while ago. Its all quiet now. He's sitting 50 cm from me using the other computer right now. Lucky he's not reading this. He'll go beserk. =)

Strange dream

Reality becomes truth? What if i can't handle the truth, or if the
truth is really bad and i don't want to accept it? It was my dad's
birthday yesterday. We had dinner at a chinese restaurant nearby.
They took a long time before they could serve us but once we got our
food we ate until we were stuffed. It was quite good. We had honey
chicken, lemon chicken, fried squid, chicken with 4 types of mushrooms
and tea. Hot chinese tea feels so nice after a big oily dinner. Also
i had a strange dream last night. It was one of those dreams when i
KNOW i'm dreaming so i could do almost anything i want. Usually these
dreams are so cool coz i could have the best fantasies ever =D.
Unfortunately it was kinda strange coz i knew i was dreaming yet i
wasn't in total control of my environment. Anyway i was in a shopping
centre and i met this guy (have no idea who he is). And somehow we get
into a fight. i was trying to be reasonable but he started it. And i told him
that it was MY dream and that he was gonna get it. So i summoned a
shockwave blast and sent him flying to the ground. But he got back up
and i thought 'oh shit, WTF' and we were on the floor wrestling and i had
this opportunity to kick him square on in the face. All i had to do was
thrash out my leg. And as soon as my leg lifted, i woke up and kicked
my blanket to the floor. Still have no idea who he is coz i never seen him
before!! And i couldn't beat him even though he was on MY turf. =S
Grr it pisses me off. If it ever happens again i'm gonna clobber him with
a lightning bolt. i also had another dream where i was in my room and i
found that my trusty rusty work knife was cut in 3 pieces. It seems
impossible coz its made of steel and hard rubber parts. i somehow
thought that it was MY fault that its broken.

Need my own time

i got some stuffs to do but my grandpa wants his comp fixed perfectly.
i dunno how its working now. Shop said that it works fine now, but
i'm not so sure. It sometimes says that it is not connected to the
wireless network and still the internet works. Sometimes it does
disconnect. i got my grandpa using the comp that is connected
wirelessly to the router. He's reading some chinese newspapers online.
i thought he knew how to use a comp but it seems like i was wrong.
He told me to do the search for him. i wonder how he uses the net?!?
Probably gets my cousins who live with him to search for him. He just
reads and clicks on any chinese hyperlink. Things that popup, he
pushes OK to get rid of them. i dunno how to tell him that its bad to
do that all the time. Some webpages put hyperlinks on images that look
like windows popups and he can't tell the difference. i dunno if i
should take it back to the shop or pretend that its all working ok. i
need time of my own. Gotta look for jobs and gotta work tonight. i
can't always drop everything just to help him and i don't want him
bugging me all the time. Dilemma.

Feeling very annoyed

i hate it when people try to keep things to themselves especially when it doesn't concern them and when i need the information much more than they do. This person probably thinks its cool that he has 'exclusive' access to my work. It pisses me a lot and i feel like bashing the crap out of him, even though i am a pacifist. Maybe it's because i'm having a bad week. No, i think i deserve to beat the crap out of him. I spent a lot of time and effort making some webpages, coding and documentation and now he has access to them and i don't. i've got too much to do at the moment. People are taking advantage of me. i have to learn to say no. It doesn't pay to be nice. Nice people never win.