Nothing to do

i can barely type. The effects of alcohol are coming. Had jack with coke and leftover lasagne. Wondering why it has to be like this. Or maybe just wondering it IS already like this and accepting it? or sticking with it. i don't particularly like the taste of jack. But it helps i think. Takes time to swallow it down and takes effort not to throw up. Just hoping the effects can take the awful feelings away. i don't think it does, but its a change at least. Its different from 30 mins ago. i am occupied with something at least. My face feels warm. Almost like i'm in bed with blankets snuggled and ready to sleep. i would be happy if i can dream and sleep straight away. i don't like this. Nothing is real. But it is real and thats why i hate it so much.