Fireworks at work

Spent the day doin basically nothing. i went to Daniel's house early to get Ben a present. We then went to carousel and bought a card and the present. We then went back to daniels place and watched jackass 2. It was a really wrong movie. So much extreme stuff happened. Went to work and watched the fireworks which were launched practically next door to the workplace. It was great because we had front row seats. Actually we were leaning against our cars in the parking lot. After work i met up with Daniel again and we went to a car show place where they were preparing the fancy cars for show. There were a lot of fancy shiny sports cars there. We then went to the city and had singapore style crab again. i'm back at daniels place now. Extremely tired. Must go home soon. Its been a long day

From the Wash

i've had a busy weekend. Went to Orbit to complete Time Crisis 4. Well since i'm a really crap player i continued from someone who quit just before the place where i got up to. The other player continued playing like a crazy pro. i wasn't so good but managed to stay alive while the pro completed the game. The result? i have my name in the highest top score board. i don't really deserve it. Daniel, Ben and i had dinner at Spencer's and i went back to Ben's place to check out the expansion for F.E.A.R. It was very scary and really cool. For a moment i thought there was the little ghost girl in REAL LIFE at the corner of my eye standing in the shadows, but turned out to be his little sister. Scared the crap outta me. i didn't think i could play from then on. Hmm. Not much happened this week, just work and stuff. My mum washed my pants which had my little 2 gig flash drive in it. Yesterday i woke up coz she took the clothes out of the washing machine and found the flash drive and was screaming at me saying it was my fault...i wasn't too concerned coz i heard stories of how flash drives survive washing machines and my flash drive had a rubber skin casing. After a few minutes sleeping i checked it again and discovered that water managed to get under the rubber that protected the steel casing and the labels where i printed out a mushroom pic and my email. It ruined and smudged the printed labels underneath the rubber and then i was afraid coz water actually got under the rubber and had the potential to get through its steel casing. Well i tested it out and i was relieved that it still works fine. i wouldn't recommend washing it or declaring its waterproof. i'm just a bit lucky i think.

Time Crisis 4!

Ok, going to the city at closing time on a Sunday was not a good idea, especially when i had a craving for sushi. Haven't had that in ages. Daniel and i walked to all the japanese sushi places to discover that they were not open on weekends or just were closing down. My stupidity. We dropped by Orbit (as it was closing down) and played Time Crisis 4. i used to think Time Crisis 2 was awesome....and then there was Time Crisis 3 with the cool new weapons. But Time Crisis 4 kicks heaps of butt. There were different situations, different places we could fire from that are actually moving, instead of being standing behind cover all the time. Well i died first as usual. My gaming skills suck really bad compared to my friends. We ate at Spencer and then visited Ben. Ben has a super computer which i am almost jealous of. Its prepared for Vista AND quad core chips that aren't even out yet. Went back to Daniel's and watched 40 year old virgin. That was pretty funny. i think i did do an ok job of making the most out of a weekend. i think the trick is visiting friends and eating food. This week has been pretty boring. Just a lot of working and sleeping. i wake up really late but i think its because i sleep really late. Hmm. At least its gone by pretty fast and i can look forward to the next weekend which would be doing a whole lot of nothing.

Too soon

This weekend went by too soon. The party at Jamies was really great. i got wasted for the first time in months. i think i fell asleep a few times too. i don't think i did anything stupid. But Jamie does have some very CRAZY friends. VERY crazy. But everyone was still cool. Still it was a very funny night and i'm also kinda surprised by how strong woodstocks are. Or maybe i just have a really bad tolerance to alcohol. i had to crash at his house overnight. i'm just chilling at Daniels now and just bumming around. Might go to city in a little while.

Long Live the Weekend

Going to a small barbeque tomorrow at Jamie's house on the top of the mountain. i want to drink heaps and forget all my troubles. Never seen Jamie drunk before. This should be interesting. Dunno if i should spend the night. Depends how trashed i am. i'm afraid his pets might eat me or poop on me if i'm passed out. i hope i don't do anything too bad. Eg suicide attempt, public vomiting, nudie flashing or worse....hitting on his sister. DON'T KILL ME JAMIE!!!!

Smile?

My supervisor asked me yesterday night at work, "Chris, you don't smile a lot do you?" i told her that i don't. And she asked why. Well she didn't have to ask that. Anybody could figure it out. i told her i wasn't a happy person. She asked why again. And i couldn't really answer that. Theres too much within me to just tell anyone about. There are a lot of things i don't want people to get involved with it. Its just my problem. i do smile and laugh though. When i see something funny, or when i hear a joke. Other than that i don't really find any reason to smile. i'm just getting by. Theres no point in wasting the energy to smile. At least i don't frown. It takes more muscles to frown than to smile.

Nothing to do

i can barely type. The effects of alcohol are coming. Had jack with coke and leftover lasagne. Wondering why it has to be like this. Or maybe just wondering it IS already like this and accepting it? or sticking with it. i don't particularly like the taste of jack. But it helps i think. Takes time to swallow it down and takes effort not to throw up. Just hoping the effects can take the awful feelings away. i don't think it does, but its a change at least. Its different from 30 mins ago. i am occupied with something at least. My face feels warm. Almost like i'm in bed with blankets snuggled and ready to sleep. i would be happy if i can dream and sleep straight away. i don't like this. Nothing is real. But it is real and thats why i hate it so much.

A night at work

i started work as usual at 5 yesterday. Actually i was a bit late and had to do a crazy rush dancing with traffic to get to work on time. When i walked in, i managed to clock in at 4:59pm =D Perfect timing. Anyways it was a long hard night at work. We were pulling out pallets onto the floor for such a long time. Non stop pulling until about 8. Since we're understaffed, they hired new people so we're seeing a few new faces around, but they still have to learn the basics. i got put in the outdoor section and had to work the night alone. So much dog food, cat food and pottery to go through. When we finished it was 2am. My dad called while i was driving back from work. He didn't seem happy and probably thought i was up to something. i think he suspects that i finished work early and that i was out somewhere. It'll be pretty funny if he wasn't so angry about it. The pic on the left is what appears to be 2 monkeys caught in a comprimising position. Taken on the day Al and Deena 'retired'. Anyways i woke up at 12 pm today sore, but at least not tired.

i hate widgets

i just literally spent most of the day from 12:pm till now creating a 'beta' blogger version of the current template which i used to have. i tried to make it look as similar as i could get it to the old template. There was so much trial and error and alot of going hmm. i basically had to create a new blog and use it as a test to see if what i wanted to do was possible. Turns out it was. What i like about the 'beta' version is that it allows labels, and allows cool navigation and also has a cool way of presenting archives. i better go to sleep now. Going to drift event tomorrow. Actually its today coz its past 12 am.

Eagles WON!

One year since eagles lost the grand final, but they got their revenge now. Winning by one point too...such a crazy close game. Just like my life is really crazy. On thursday my sis failed her driving test only because she didn't stop close enough to the stop sign. And on friday, the girl i asked out is quitting work. i think she's pissed at me coz i didn't get her a goodbye present. She probably thinks i don't think of her much. She doesn't know that since the day she told me her car was a Getz, i've looked at EVERY Getz that drove past seeing if its her that's driving it. On wednesday i saw her for the first time driving past me. i knew it wouldn't work out. She's exactly the opposite of me. i'm not gonna become attached to her coz it would kill me if i do. It helps that she doesn't really seem as if she's interested at all. Also two of my workmates left on friday. Its really sad to see them go coz i've seen them work there ever since i started. And they are very good people and hard workers. i think i said something awful to an online friend last night. Now i'm afraid i lost a friend. i don't have many friends. Should i lose them all?? i dunno what to do.

What a burger

i've been pretty miserable for the past week. So i've been doing things to help me feel better. Like buying a 2 GB usb flash drive. And eating junk food. Loads of junk food. Taking all the chocolate from the pantry. In fact i think i had either hungry jacks or maccas about 6 times in the past week. Different kinds of burgers....i'm trying to find the most fattening one that would also be the most filling. Double quarter pounder is not bad. They're filling and cheesy. Double bacon deluxe burgers are quite good but they're based on the cheeseburger bread and patty size. My dad told me on the previous night to wash the Getz in the morning and then take it to the city to get it rust proofed. There was so much bird shit on every single side of the car. After i cleaned it, i then had to endure the stress of teaching my sis how to drive to uni. i wish she could drive closer to the middle of her lane. It was raining by the time i reached the rust proofing place. i had to sit in a small room for over an hour as they did the job. i felt so hungry and my stomach was making funny noises and i was wondering what kind of burger would be really
nice. When i got the car back i ordered a double whopper meal yesterday and i told them to put bacon in it. Two flame grilled whopper size beef patties with oily bacon on the top, sandwiched between mayo, lettuce, pickles, tomato and a sesame bun. It would of been better if there was cheese in it as well. But it was satisfying, very unhealthy but satisfying especially with large chips and large coke. i really needed to eat something which was filling after the crap day i had. If i had died from the amount of cholestrol and calories that i had ingested, i would of died happy, knowing that i am not hungry, that i was satisfied, my tastebuds were happy, and it wasn't gonna get much better than this. Except with cheese of course.

i'm gonna get it then

i told him he could use the computer now, and his response, quote,
"NOT INTERESTED". So what i got so far is goin over 100km/hr on a
highway into a light pole, or jumping off a tall car park building.
Hmm. Can't say i'm too eager to try either of them coz i think this
whole thing is stupid. Who deserves shit like this??

Treated like crap

i just wanted to check my email about 5 mins ago but my dad got into
the room 10 secs before me and told me to f$%^ off and go to bed.
Problem? Well my dad normally uses the other computer, but my sis is
doing her homework on it, so my dad decided to go to the computer
which i bought instead. What really pissed me off is the way he can
talk to me as if i'm like a nobody and it was ME who bought the
computer off Jamie. i spent all day helping his friend install a
cabinet, while he decided to go out to the city and came home to
sleep, hardly even helping or even seeing his 'friend' who is making
the cabinet for him for free. Why does it have to be this way? i
really must find a fast and effective way to kill myself. i better
give him the computer now before he makes a big deal out of it. i won
the argument, coz he knew he was wrong so i'm on it now. i'm giving
it back to him after sending this blog through email so hopefully he
doesn't give me any more shit than i already have to live through.

Insignificance

i was at work today pulling out the special sales tags from shelves
coz it was the last day of the MONSTER storewide sale. Anyways a very
pregnant lady came up to my aisle, looked up and began to climb the
shelf to get a high item. i can't believe that she didn't ask me for
help as i was quite literally next to her. i stopped her from
climbing and took down the item for her. The fact that she would risk
injury to an unborn child to get an item that she couldn't be bothered
asking me for help really made me feel like nothing. i mean i always
feel insignificant anyway, but now i know that i must also LOOK
insignificant too. That really made me feel like i was noone. i was
in kmart uniform, and unlike some of my workmates, i had the black
pants and black shoes as well instead of sneakers. i guess i should
get used to it. i AM insignificant and probably always will be.

Not fair

It's been hard weekend for me. So much crap to go through. If there was a fast and easy and painless way to die, i wouldn't hesitate to take it and go. i'm in that horrible state now. i hate being used. i have to find a way to be free. My dad thought it would be a good idea to buy a dvd recorder so that he can hook it up with the video cam to record his stupid dancing. i have no problem with that except he puts pressure on me to get it working. It pisses me off so bad. i was being criticized for plugging in the cables coz my dad thought i was plugging them in wrong. When i try to explain to him that theres no point in plugging the video and 2 audio heads in the 3 HD visual ports he tried to convince me that he's following the manual. It's so friggin stupid. i tried so hard to explain to him that theres no point in it, and that it doesn't work like that but he wouldn't listen. In the end he finally believed me, but i was still very annoyed that it took him so long. i actually had to show him by putting in a dvd that it works MY way and not his messed up way of not actually knowing what he is doing. The problem with some people is that they pretend to be smart but end up doing looking very stupid. He told me to get the video cam to dvd harddrive function working. i guess in the future, it means i have to tape all his crap for him coz he can't be bothered learning how to do it himself. In other news, i found out that my little cousin has leukemia. It's so not fair. No kid 3-4 years old deserves to have needle injections and undergo the pain of chemo. i really hope he does ok. He's learning how to talk and paint. There are his paintings and photos of him self all over the wall in his house. Life is so unfair. He's gonna spend a month in hospital. My parents want to support my uncle and aunty but that's causing them to argue at each other coz it puts pressure on them. They want to organise with my other uncles and aunties to cook for them. i sense that there IS a messed up mixuture of competition or responsibilty of some sort and it is causing troubles beneath the surface. There is never any peace and quiet. This house is so chaotic. i just want it to end so badly. i guess this is how people turn to drugs. i want to drink lots of alcohol and feel the effects. It's a very strong feeling that i want to feel and forget all this crap. i don't deserve this anger and pain.

Subway, Eat Fresh

i was gonna blog last night, but i had a really big day and just needed to crash. On tuesday i woke up to my phone ringing. Jamie wanted to meet up to discuss his software application, so we decided to meet up at garbo for lunch. i wanted subway coz i've been eating a lot of junk food recently. i asked for a foot long, and when the girl asked what type i wanted, i just said, "Anything, surprise me." And as she made the sub, she asked if this bread, salad, sauce is ok, and i said, "Yeah, anything." She told me, "you're easy to please" and i thought, yeah, if i'm paying for the food, and for the food to be made, i might as well have them decide what i'm getting as well. i don't have to pay extra for that. Turns out the sub was probably the best sub i've ever had. After gobbling it up i realised i didn't know the name of the sub or if it even had a name, so if i wanted the same sub again, i'm totally stuffed. Anyways me and Jamie talked about the software which we're gonna make good and then sell it to make millions. It's uber top secret stuff. After that i had work and a recovery lady who just started her shift walked by me said, "Hello sweety" and put a hand on my back and moved it down to my butt. In a reflex motion i immediately arched my back and thought WHOA, CREEPY. i'm sure she didn't mean anything by it, but my butt is ultra sensitive to touch. i remember i was shopping once and a woman lightly brushed her trolley against my butt. i literally jumped in the air. Anyways i also saw the girl i have a crush on and she told me she was moving away soon. i was ripped apart. Couldn't think straight, didn't know what to say. So many things that i WANTED to say but it all came to my head at once and i couldn't say anything. i don't want to get down over it. i'm sure she doesn't want that too, so i'm gonna force myself to play ragnarok and level up my lil bro's character. Tonight i had an easy night at work. Tomorrow i have to pick up my aunty's car from the smash repair place. Always busy.

flirting or teasing?

i was really really happy and a bit confused at work tonight. Its
probably because she was there teasing me. i dunno if she was serious
or not, but i was really happy coz she talked to me and stuff.
Although much of what she said was jokes and made me laugh, i never
received that much attention from her at work before. i have to admit
that i was nervous about her being so flirty, and doing poses and
giving me looks, BUT i still liked it very much. i was happy that she
was having fun with me and knew that i'm not really good in such
situations. Its so confusing. Shes probably just teasing me, i don't
know. i'd really like to know what she really is thinking sometimes.
Meh. i got addicted to the word 'meh'. Its used in text. Commonly
written and read, but not usually spoken i think. Don't quote me. i
think its used to disregard the previous subject or end it in a polite
manner. Or maybe its just something to say when nothing else or
better can be said.

Enjoy life?

i think i know whats wrong with me at the moment. i'm not enjoying my
life. i'm also not doing anything about it either. And its because
that i'm not enjoying it, its forcing me to stay that way. In a hole i
created. i SHOULD be doing important things, like finding a career
job, find a way to move out, but i CAN'T. i keep putting myself down
so much that its now really hard to try. i'm also distracted by
things like quick money and relationships. It really sucks to be me. i
wish i was happier, but i have nothing really to be happy about. i'm
not the guy who drinks a lot but who knows? In the future i might
become some overweight alcoholic slob on a couch. i cannot really see
the future. While i was in uni i saw it probably ending up 6 feet
under before i reached 21. But now that i AM 21 and going on 22 is it
any different? Perhaps i should take comfort in knowing that i didn't
have the guts in the past and probably never will.

Long walk

i called her this morning. She seems to be ok so thats good i think.
i still don't know anything about her. i took the car to the mechanic
shortly after. Its been having heating problems. =( i decided to
walk home which is exactly 5 km away. It took about an hour. Almost
all of it was High Road. Thankfully the weather was superb. Not a
cloud in the sky and the wind was very light. Not many people walked
along paths anymore. So many cars passed me by. i walked into Maccas
and had a chocolate sundae and a medium coke. i then walked past my
old highschool. Can't believe its been over 5 years since i
graduated. i already finished uni too. Time really flies. Thats
something i'm really scared of. One day i might just wake up and
realise i wasted it all. i walked into the newsagent and bought
chewing gum (i don't know why, probably because i forgot to buy phone
credit instead). i then reached home a few minutes later. i still
don't know where i am going.

Really the printer's fault?

i'm really pissed off at my dad and he's pissed off at me. The printer isn't working anymore because the printer is out of ink. Brilliant. You have to be Einstein to figure that out. He's trying to push the blame to me. When i first installed the software and drivers for the F@#$&*^ printer one F@#$&*^ piece of software didn't install. It's called the F@#$&*^ "status monitor 3." i tried to look this problem up on the net. Only a few people have this specific problem and noone has posted (workable) solutions on how to fix it. Now it seems to be my F@#$&*^ fault that the F@#$&*^ status monitor didn't install. i have already contacted epson by email ages ago and they gave me F@#$&*^ advice which F@#$&*^ didn't work. However the printer could still work without the status monitor. It just doesn't show the level of ink there is left in each of the cartridges. i kinda aggravated my dad when i told him that i don't want to waste my time on it and that he should call up epson himself instead of wasting so much time on dancing. i couldn't really be bothered to waste time fixing the F@#$&*^ printer when i was the one telling my dad that he shouldn't F@#$&*^ get it and the only reason why he F@#$&*^ liked it was coz it could print on cds. So he F@#$&*^ bought it in the end and we hardly use the print cd function. The only reason why he uses the F@#$&*^ print cd function was so he could show it off to everyone in the family and his dancing friends that we could F@#$&*^ print on cds. Make that me. Just me. i was the one who printed the F@#$&*^ cds coz my dad can't do it. He just tells me to do it. i can't see the F@#$&*^ point in it when i can just scribble on the cd itself. So much easier and less time wasted. i know i shouldn't be using a lot of profanity but it pisses me off coz i'm being forced to do something i don't believe in and never did. That was a while ago. Its all quiet now. He's sitting 50 cm from me using the other computer right now. Lucky he's not reading this. He'll go beserk. =)

Why try?

i really dunno whats the point in trying sometimes. Why do people try to achieve things that they're not sure of even getting? In these cases there may be some hope of getting what u want, but i think statistically, most of the time it ends up in failure. That's my experience anyway. i just want to give up trying on things that i'm not sure of getting. It hurts more often than not. i think its stupid of me to keep trying so hard. Trying only proves the existence of hope and i already know that hope is just wishful thinking. The more i try, the more pain just comes my way. It's really stupid. At school and even at home we're always told to try our best. Although thats intended to be a good thing (our parents and teachers want us to be educated well), it affects how we behave in the real world. For everyone to keep trying so hard for things that they may never get; it creates so much sadness and despair in their lives. It's such a cruel world.

Tim Tams

i don't think its going too well. i don't think i am goin too well
either. i really wanted to take 3 or 4 straight shots of jack and put
myself to sleep but i have work tonight so i decided on chocolate. i
just finished a whole box of tim tams with a lot of milk in between.
i'm a sucker for chocolate and i thought it would make me happy. i
don't feel better at all...infact now i feel like throwing up too.
Listening to music is just like listening to noise now. i don't feel
like working tonight. Why did i agree to it? There's a small voice in
my head giving me advice. i think it wants to help me out. i would
want to listen but nobody in their right minds would agree to it.
Except me.

Census!

When i told Cherish that i dunno how its currently goin with her, he replied:

Christopher says:
=(
Cherish says:
dont get stuck with tht...there r plenty out there...infact if ulook at the census form there are 300,000 more females between 18 and 30 yrs than males
Cherish says:
page 5 i think
Christopher says:
u are crazy
Cherish says:
hahahaha

300 000 doesn't mean anything. Zero girls would want to go out with a boring, shy, nervous depressed idiot. Well at least i'll remember to remind my dad that the census form came. Completely forgotton about that. Friends these days. So helpful in so many ways.

Strange dream

Reality becomes truth? What if i can't handle the truth, or if the
truth is really bad and i don't want to accept it? It was my dad's
birthday yesterday. We had dinner at a chinese restaurant nearby.
They took a long time before they could serve us but once we got our
food we ate until we were stuffed. It was quite good. We had honey
chicken, lemon chicken, fried squid, chicken with 4 types of mushrooms
and tea. Hot chinese tea feels so nice after a big oily dinner. Also
i had a strange dream last night. It was one of those dreams when i
KNOW i'm dreaming so i could do almost anything i want. Usually these
dreams are so cool coz i could have the best fantasies ever =D.
Unfortunately it was kinda strange coz i knew i was dreaming yet i
wasn't in total control of my environment. Anyway i was in a shopping
centre and i met this guy (have no idea who he is). And somehow we get
into a fight. i was trying to be reasonable but he started it. And i told him
that it was MY dream and that he was gonna get it. So i summoned a
shockwave blast and sent him flying to the ground. But he got back up
and i thought 'oh shit, WTF' and we were on the floor wrestling and i had
this opportunity to kick him square on in the face. All i had to do was
thrash out my leg. And as soon as my leg lifted, i woke up and kicked
my blanket to the floor. Still have no idea who he is coz i never seen him
before!! And i couldn't beat him even though he was on MY turf. =S
Grr it pisses me off. If it ever happens again i'm gonna clobber him with
a lightning bolt. i also had another dream where i was in my room and i
found that my trusty rusty work knife was cut in 3 pieces. It seems
impossible coz its made of steel and hard rubber parts. i somehow
thought that it was MY fault that its broken.

Happy and Sad

Surrealism becomes reality pretty quickly. i really still don't know
how she feels. In fact i don't really know that much about her. The
small things that i DO know leads me to really wild crazy assumptions
which are really too crazy to write down or assume out loud. STILL i
don't care as i have never been in a situation like this before (and
i'm also crazy about her) and probably might never will. She told me
she's goin away forever, and i don't know how to react. She said she
should of told me sooner. i don't really believe her simple reason on
WHY she is moving away. BUT moving away forever means that it would
probably end. i think i am crazy about her and would probably want to
go with her. i somehow have an instinctal feeling that she won't
allow that and this relationship is just a small casual goodbye fling
to her. Although it does upset me, i am still really happy coz she
said stuff to me that only couples should hear. To be honest i never
expected words like that to ever reach a person like me. It really
meant a lot to me. i'm so pathetic. Its stupid coz even though we
talked last night, i miss her already. i have no idea why she takes
so long to reply to a msg. i really hate waiting. i told a workmate
that "i feel like the most happiest and saddest person in the world"
and he said "thats quite a contrast". Yes indeed.

Tongue tied

i started work today and looked to see if she was there. After about 30 mins of pulling pallets, i gave up hope of seeing her. Then as i was moving to the front, i met her. Asked how her car was. Didn't have a chance of asking her out coz a manager was very nearby. 10 mins later, i was at the front with a pallet again and we made small talk. Small talk became big talk really quickly.

C:Hey, I'm gonna find you an asian girl
me: Whyyyy?
C:Coz asian guys prefer asian girls
me:Thats not true!
C:Do u prefer asian girls?
me:Uh i prefer any girl i guess
C:Coz I asked out an asian guy in highschool and he said no but said he would only go out with me if I was asian.
me:Would you go out with me?
C:What? Are you serious?
me:uhh...No
c:Coz if you are, I would, you know
me...
C:OMG u ARE serious! That is so cute!
me...
C:I'd like to go out with u. I'd write down my number for you later
me:ok

Shyness be damned! i hate getting tongue tied and looking stoopid. But at the same time i feel that i received a second chance. She somehow knew i was being serious even though i tried to deny it. i still don't want to hope too much. After that conversation i felt fear, confusion and happiness at the same time. It was really wierd. Almost as if i was scared of meeting her again. Everything seemed different. Would i be different? Would she be different? Why on earth would she want to go out with me??? WHAT TO DO NOW?? Am i dreaming or hallucinating? A while later she passed me her number and that was it. i came home about 12:30am and didn't want to msg her coz she's probably sleeping by now. i haven't told any of my work mates about it and don't plan to at the moment. Too much thinking is hurting my head. Gonna sleep now.

Ways of hurt

i went ice skating with my cousin again on Saturday. i tried to race
one of my cousin's friends and had a great time weaving very closely
between slow and fast ice skaters. i then slipped while trying a
tight turn, rolled in the air a couple of times and hit the ice hard
before skidding a few metres. Ouchie. But it was nothing compared 10
mins later when i tripped on the ice, and had a split second choice of
continuing forward, and risk landing on my face and causing a pile up
from skaters behind me, OR banking hard to the right and into the
barrier at high speed and risk hitting a man teaching his woman how to
skate. (Ice skating newbies usually hold on to the barrier for
support.) i chose to go into the barrier, but coz of the speed i found
out (too late) that i wasn't gonna make in into the barrier without
hitting the couple first. i didn't want a full body contact blow so i
sorta fell hard on my right knee and slid on the ice and crashed
headfirst into a pair of female legs. IT WAS SO EMBARRASSING. i said
so many sorrys. Luckily the woman didn't fall. The guy said to me,
"that's a good way to stop". And i was wondering IS HE ABOUT TO KICK
MY ASS?? i can fight on solid ground, but on ICE wearing ice skates??
He seemed non hostile though and i made my way to the bench to examine
my poor knee. Luckily the bruise was on the opposite side of my knee
away from the side where i had my arthroscopy. When i got home i
found a nasty gash on my left leg. It must of been where the ice
skate boot's edge rubbed against the skin. =( Pain. i spent Sunday
relaxing and resting my poor battered body. My arms seem sore for
some reason. Probably when i tried to break my falls on the ice.

i was hoping to see the girl i like at work today but unfortunately i
didn't see her at all. i bumped my knee accidently against a shelf.
IT HURT A LOT. Now i can't bend it all the way and i can't squat
anymore. =( i think i have a cold as well. My throat was really sore
and dry this morning and just now while i was under the shower my
hands felt COLD even though the water was HOT. i know i probably
should skip work tomorrow, but if i don't work then i don't get to see
her. Thats already been hurting me for the past couple of weeks. i
don't know which hurts more though. Health should come first, but
health means nothing when compared to feeling like crap.

i messed up

i know i messed it up. i didn't see her at work today. And i don't think i will ever get an opportunity like that again. i shouldn't have hoped so much. Hope is like a fungus or mushroom. It grows in dark places. And if u don't kill it straight away and it turns out to be poisonous, it may end up killing u later. But if it isn't poisonous, it might be good in soup or perhaps even fried. =P i haven't given up yet. i dunno if that is a good or bad thing. Typing the word 'suicide' in the firefox address bar brings up a page designed to dissuade anyone from killing themselves. i agree with the '5 things to think about' except for point 3. Relief may be a feeling that can be felt after the pain has stopped and can only be felt if u are still alive, but if u can stop the pain anyway, isn't that good enough? A few DAYS of despair is surely better than an unforeseen ETERNITY of despair. That's how i see the scales sometimes. Maybe i should get some sleep. i think its late.

Long day

In fact, the past few days have been excruciating long for me. i was
planning on working on friday to meet the girl who may or may not like
me and also may or may not be at work. i guess i'm still kicking
myself for not asking her out that day. But my supervisor called and
said that there wasn't much work to do so i was told not to come. i
wouldn't be working next week (except for friday) coz of the
stocktake. When u want to do something and there's nothing u can do
about it except to wait, it makes time slow down heaps. It also makes
u think that anything bad can happen in this very long wait. Today i
took my lil bro to have a haircut along with myself. After that i
went to buy the movie tickets for Pirates of the Caribbean 2. There
was about an hour till the movie started so i called Daniel and
visited him at work. He gave us free pizza. =) i also remembered to
give him his birthday card. Then i went back to carousel and watched
the movie. It was pretty good and funny. And i'm at home now doing
this blog. i really really need to talk to that girl i like. i
really need to know something. Its not fair i have to wait such a long
time.

Afraid to hope?

We all have heard of the phrase, "Everything to gain, Nothing to
lose." We also have heard of this phrase, "Nothing to gain, Everything
to lose." Well, if u have everything, then there is always the
possibility of losing it all. But then again, if u have nothing, then
there is a possibility of gaining everything. It could be like a
cycle that goes on and on and on. One of the most important things in
life is happiness. If u are happy then there is a chance of losing it,
but if u are not happy, is it ever possible to be happy again? Hoping
to be happy doesn't really work coz its hard to hope if you're
unhappy. i dunno if i am happy or unhappy right now. i don't really
want to hope too much either. i think its probably because i have a
crush on a girl from work. =S i'm happy coz i THINK she MIGHT like
me. But i'm unhappy coz i'm afraid to be happy and hope too much.
Always dunno what to do.

Ice Skating!

i went ice skating with my cuz and her friends yesterday. It was really scary at first because the last time i went ice skating was about 10 years ago. But after 10 minutes of awkward slipping i quickly learnt how to 'skate'. i couldn't figure out how to brake and i can't turn at sharp angles but at least i can go fast and around the ice rink. We played a few games of tag which was fun. i accidently crashed into my cousin at high speed when a kid came out of nowhere and i tried to avoid it. =S We then had lunch at carousel and watched a bit of the Garfield on stage thing. There was a massive dressup of garfield and odie dancing on the stage. =D Garfield is so cool. i need to save up more $$$. i bought Jamie's old computer for 400 bucks and have been playing around with that. i know i have a lot to do but i can't remember.

Lego Mania!

What happens if u cross a police car with a race car?

+

=

U get a street fighting drag machine. =D Ok i seem to have gone a little crazy with lego, but i couldn't help myself coz there was a crazy toy sale. Kmart seems busier than ever coz of the stocktake sale and also the coming of the school holidays. All these parents rushing to buy toys for their kids while the price is cheap is creating a lot of work we have to do when they leave. i also bought myself an Exo-force Mech called the Stealth Hunter. It looks like a cross between gundam and macross. Supposedly there's an alternate model i can build called the stealth wasp. But they don't have instructions for that. i'll try to look it up on the net. The are pics of the stealth wasp and they look really cool. i had to take my supervisor home last night after work. Her car seems to have been in a crash. Anyways it was kinda wierd when as i'm pulling out of the carpark, she tells me to slow down just to yell out random things to my workmates as they are still in the carpark. The same thing also happened when i arrived at the traffic lights and there was a workmate in the lane next to us. Sometimes i think she has maturity of a teenager. i also found out that she lives just down the road from my house. =S It's a small crazy world. Oh well, gonna play with lego now.

Blogging for a year

Actually this is not true. i've been blogging since april in 2004. i
changed to blogger in july 2005 and recently i noticed that its been a
year since i first posted at blogger. i still remember the first post
i made in blogger. It really shows how time flies. i switched to
blogger in an attempt to get away from my own demons, but they seem to
get to me from time to time. i also liked the way i could manipulate
the layout of the blog using blogger's xml scripting. It's really
cool. Going through a year's worth of archives shows that i've had
a lot of ups and downs but i seem to take every day as it comes
without much preparation. Maybe that's a thing i can learn from. i
can't prepare what's gonna happen in the future. The archives shows
what i've been thinking and doing mainly throughout the end of my uni
life to the start of working life. i don't think i've changed much
since the first time i blogged at blogger. i guess i am adapting to
my environment. In other news i took my grandparents home from the
airport today. i was waiting for them in the arrivals section and was
surprised to see them escorted by a nice customs officer. i guess she
wanted to talk to the relatives who could speak enough english to
understand and translate. It turns out that for the fruits or veggies
that ARE allowed to be bought into this country, they must have labels
of the ingredients in English written on the product package. The
only reason she didn't seize all his preserved fruit was coz my
grandpa had a whole massive enormous box of it. But she believed that
there were no egg or milk products in the box coz my grandpa told her
(somehow) that they were strict vegetarians that don't take eggs or
milk. Almost to the extent of vegans. i kinda want my own parents to
come back sooner. Organising dinner for my siblings is kinda getting
tedious now. Kinda not looking forward to work tomorrow. Pyscho toy
sale is stressful.

Got car back!

i finally got the ford laser back. It didn't need a new engine, and
luckily there wasn't any noticeable damage to the engine. The main
problem that caused the whole mess was a clogged oil pump thing. The
previous mechanics tried to rip us off by saying that a new engine was
needed. And i think they were the ones who caused the problem in the
first place by not servicing it well and saying that they changed the
oil when in fact they didn't. Still i heard it was a tedious task to
fix it, coz the engine has to be taken apart to clean it. Boy i miss
being in the ford laser. Having a little trouble getting used to it
though. i think i became lazy and relied on power steering too much.
Hmm gotta decide what to cook tonight before i go to work.

Shot in the head

Had a big day today. Went paintballing with Daniel and his friends in Malaga. That was really fun. i got put into a crappy team i think. In the second round i ran forwards to position myself behind a cover and then started taking pot shots at any bobbing heads peeping out of the opposing side's covers, when an orange SPLAT exploded within 20 cm of my head ON MY OWN SIDE OF THE COVER. i had a strong feeling that i had a very nooby team. Sure enough about 30 seconds later a sharp force hit me on the back of my head followed by a very sharp and also dull pain. i would have thought that the first splat next to my head would have reminded the BLIND and/or MORONIC idiot to AIM FIRST and then fire. Hopefully he doesn't join the army. They seem to have enough problems of their own already and definitely would not want another 'incident'. Some other guy in my team didn't realise that he was firing blanks from his gun which obviously had a paintball jam. i tried to shout it to him, but i don't think he noticed. Overall my side only won 3 out of 8 games. Daniel recieved a few bruises and some kid broke his ankle badly in the capture the flag round. It was very exciting for me when my shots hit the person that is also shooting at me, especially when that dude that charged and panicked when he saw me standing behind a cover with my gun pointing at him which caused him to run around me (not very gracefully) and started shooting wildly, (more importantly inaccurately), which kept me alive and allowed me to 'plant' an orange mark in his face mask at a distance of three meters to end the battle. It was also a bit nerve racking when i realised that my team was really crap and we were probably gonna get hurt with paintballs exiting their barrels at 400kms/hr. Also went to karaoke later in the night. Daniel got drunk and i got him to sing country songs and other funny songs that would seem funny when sung by intoxicated individuals whose normal sober singing may have normally been within a reasonable coherent level, if not for their reaction times which were slowed to the point where words were out of sync with the words on the screen and were 'sung' with such a slurred rambling loud noise-like and sometimes shouting tone that it would have gave a large array of ammunition of self-esteem-destroying verbal insults for the judges of Australian Idol. Anyways it was all in good fun and i managed to get some fresh air away from slaving at work and at home where i have to look after my siblings whose parents decided to go on a one month overseas vacation and happened to be the only "real" cooks in a low-level dysfunctional family that could cook proper asian style dishes that go well with a nice hot steamy plate of rice. Still me and my sis's cooking skills have improved somewhat in the past week although i really do hate my sis's steamed peas, carrots and corn which are completely tasteless but however, we should still be able to keep ourselves away from malnourishment till the time our parents come back. My head still hurts.

New mechanic

i think that my dad is finally convinced that the mechanics are dodgy so we moved the car to a different automobile workshop. The engine might still be salvagable, but it might cost a bit. Currently all options are on the table, fixing the engine, buying a second hand engine or buying a rebuilt reconditioned engine. The mechanic just has to have a look at it first. In the pic, our car is the one of the left and a Mazda 323 is on the right. They both use the same engine; a mazda B6 1.6 L EFI engine. i like the ford laser better. It's more curvier and sexier. =) In other news, i didn't get the Dampier job i really really so wanted. Dunno what to do now. i guess it was just a dream and dreams don't come true for most people. Especially for me =(

What a comeback!

i interrupted my sis's dvd program to see how Eagles were playing against Geelong. i saw that Eagles were getting thrashed by over fifty points and it was already near the end of third quarter so i decided to stop watching and let my sis watch her show. When her show finished a short time later, Eagles were only losing by 2 goals and there was still about 15 mins left. Eagles managed to get in front by a few points but then Geelong kicked a goal to get in front very very near the end of the quarter. Then Geelong decided to waste time which was really annoying. But Eagles had the last laugh when they manage to kick the last goal to get in front. It was a great game. Too bad i missed on most of it, but at least i saw the end of it. i found out today that the ford laser's engine is basically dead. The options are trade in, or get a new engine to be fitted in. We're probably gonna get a 'reconditioned engine' which is basically a second hand engine and the cost is gonna be lots of $$$ and my dad is not happy and is trying to push the blame to me. Anyways, he seems to have cooled down and we were invited to dinner at a chinese restaurant (Chin's Noodle House) by his god nephew. The restaurant kinda pissed us off coz our 'reserved table' wasn't there even though it was already booked. But half an hour later we got down to munching and it was pretty ok. i liked the appetiser with the spring roll wrap with fatty duck meat, spring onion and sweet sugary black sauce. When the wraps finished, i used the fatty duck meat as the wrap (as in picture) and it tasted just as good. Not particularly healthy though. The meal was ok. Long weekend! Whoopee.

Dream car gone.

On Monday, i saw a two door TX3 for sale for only 850 bucks parked
outside a house. But my dad told me to forget about it. i don't
think chances like that are likely to appear again. i feel like i lost
something even though i never had it. Life isn't fair.

Cousin's 21st

My cousin had her 21st birthday party/family/friends gathering last
night. There was lots of good food. i met a few familiar faces,
everybody was busy talking. My cousin seemed happy so that was good.
i would of thought she would be very stressed trying to keep, friends,
family, uni friends occupied. But she seemed happy and that was the
important thing. This morning my very good swedish friend texted and
called me. i was happy that we talked about stuff. My little brother
had his birthday today. i'm thinking about giving him my old phone.
He wanted a USB flash drive, so i'll definetly get him that. i
watched Eagles beat Demons in football today. They almost lost but
luckily they managed to get their skill back and win. i have to
organise to fix the ford laser tomorrow. Bummer, might be a busy day.
This weekend seemed shorter than usual.

My new phone!

i finally got my new Nokia 5140i phone on Monday. Didn't have much time to play with it coz i had work right after i picked it up. i messed around with it all day yesterday though. Customising menus and shortcuts and stuffs. It's got a really cool function that lets me type in notes. It'll be handy if i have to remember something coz i always forget about stuff. It's also got a thermometer, compass, camera, radio and flash light. It's much better than my old Sony Ericsson z200. Now i need to borrow an infrared thingymabob to add in wallpapers and ringtones to personlise it more.

Waiting for phone

The weekend seemed to have dragged on for a long time for me. i
suppose it's because i am anxious to get my new phone. Too bad that
the postal guys don't work on weekends. Hopefully i can pick it up
tomorrow, or at the very latest, on Wednesday. Grrr. i suppose it's
a good thing. Because of my anxiety, my weekend seemed to have been
longer than usual so i get more relaxation time. i watched Eagles beat
Essendon today. Essendon plays so dirty, but at least Eagles showed
that they were on a different class. i was right not to hope too much
about the Woolworths job because i didn't get it. i applied to a
Dampier job, and if i get that one, then i would be over the moon,
otherwise i won't care much coz i won't be thinking too much about it.

New phone!

i always knew i needed, or rather wanted a new phone. i really wanted
a shock proof, durable phone coz i have a bad habit of dropping my
current phone constantly. But i also wanted a camera one. When i
heard from Jamie about his Nokia 5140i, i knew that i needed it. My
current phone is slowly dying. The battery is very weak, and some
buttons and lights don't work anymore. It's over 2 years old so i
thought i needed a new one anyway. So two nights ago, i bought the
5140i online from www.nextmobile.com.au using the cash on delivery
method of paying. That way i don't have to give out my bank details
and can pick it up from the post office. i hope its really that
simple. Final cost of the phone was 256 bucks including tax and
delivery from the eastern states. That was pretty good to me
considering that the optus shop was trying to sell me the 5140 without
the "i" for 300 bucks. i just have to wait for a few more days until
i get to pick up the phone. Also in about an hour, i'm going to the
massive woolworths warehouse near the airport to apply for a job. It
pays well, but i'm not going to hope too much about getting it. i try
not to believe or rely on hope too much. For my own good.

New Hotmail look

It seems like Hotmail has a new look. And also a new name. Windows Live Mail. i was surprised because a lot of the new stuff seemed similar to the features in Gmail. i'm not gonna say who copied who coz i don't know the answer to that. Both emails are in Beta which shows users that they are still developing so there may still be bugs but still allows users to use their service without too much hassle. The Live Mail seems better than the previous Hotmail, probably due to simplicity. Email messages can be 'previewed' instantly without having to return to the inbox. This is particularly helpful if you can tell what you want to read straight from the subject line. Gmail also previews the email but only places a little snippet in the subject line. Live Mail also allows search just like Gmail and also allows easy finds on contacts straight from the To: toolbar. i liked Gmail's searching for contacts better though, because it worked much much faster than Live Mail's. Its interesting to see that both Gmail and Live Mail have calendar links. Live Mail's calendar can be opened through the same window where as Gmail's calendar opens up a new window. Both calendars can be shared by and with other people. Live Mail offers a little bit of personalisation by allowing users to change the colors on its layout in a minor way. Gmail also has a bit of personalisation by offering users to choose xml or rss webclips to be shown at the top of its inbox. Hmm. i grew up with Hotmail, then hated it then converted to Gmail. Is Hotmail's evolution enough to bring me back? i don't think so. i like Gmail better because its faster than Live Mail and also i'm able to read through email quickly and also compose and send mail quickly without having to use the mouse. At this time in my life, that is what i am doing. Sending out emails for job stuffs, sending quick emails, i would prefer to do that quickly. Live Mail still has 2 big picture ads (one on the top and on the right) which i really don't like compared to Gmail's personalised text ads. i would like to use Live Mail to browse through the seek job subscriptions because i get a lot of email sent from them and it would be easier to browse quickly through it all. The only big drawback is that it only works for Internet Explorer 6.0 which stopped working properly on my home computer. It works if i disabled my firewall, but i don't think that is wise. Live Mail doesn't work well with Firefox at all. The preview functions don't work at all in Firefox, so that pretty much kills Live Mail for me. It's a pity they can't (or will not) make it compatible. Gmail converted me from Hotmail because of its simple design. Live Mail does looks better that Hotmail because of its clean look and simplicity. Some of the best things are always the simple things. Gmail is still better =)

Work work work

i've signed some sort of a contract that kinda forces me to do work or
apply to any work that i'm given. i don't mind at the moment because
i need the extra money to fix the car. i tried to get a police
clearance today, but the system was down. i had an interview for a
warehouse job which requires me to do practically full on hours from
7:30am till 3:30pm. i would also be doing my nightfill job from 5pm
till 10pm on top of this. The pay is about the same but at least i
will get the money. i like the money. Maybe after this i would do
another warehouse job that pays even more and requires less hours.
Thats a goal i'm aiming for within the next few weeks. i'm still
looking for an it job. i know that i stuffed up the iinet interview.
Oh well, my mind is set on money at the moment so i'll do anything to
get quick money. Except becoming a gigolo or eating poo or anything
illegal. Gonna buy some steel cap boots tomorrow. Or is it today?
Its past 12 am so its the next day already....blah i need sleep. A
true story this night, my supervisor today told me to take the
Christmas tree prop (part of the Narnia advertising) to the back of
the warehouse store. i was to pull a palette that it was standing on.
Well, the tree didn't make it in one piece past the swinging rubber
doors. It just fell and the swinging doors sort of cut it in the
middle. i pulled the base of the tree and looked at a stump and
realised that the top half of the tree was still on the floor. Later
when i asked the supervisor if she still needed the tree, she told me
"Yes, its very important. Its the Kmart wishing tree where presents
are placed under it and then they are given to improvished children
during christmas." i know it sounds bad, but i thought the situation
was very funny. Luckily the tree was fixed together again. Plastic
products are usually always more durable than the real thing.

Interview at iinet

i had the interview at iinet today. i checked out the place while
driving in the car, missed the turn and was on a freeway south. i then
went into the next on ramp and pulled off the fastest u turn while the
light was still green. i was pretty stressed that i might be late but
i wasn't. i was surprised and happy to see Brice there for the
interview as well. Haven't seen him in ages. The interview was ok, but
the programming was harder that i expected. i had a complete memory
blank on how perl worked. After the interview was done i chilled out
with Brice at the city. He had a thing for japanese food. It was a
good catch up. Nothing seems to have changed that much, except i
don't see my friends as often as i like. Just came home from work at
Kmart and had shower and dinner. Gonna sleep soon. Centrelink
appointment tomorrow morning at 9.

Kmart river cruise

i went to a river cruise at fremantle yesterday. It was organised by
kmart and i only found out that i was going on friday. It took a while
for me to get there. i thought that i would be really late because i
couldn't find the entry for the wharf. When i did make it into the
wharf i found out that it was the wrong one and had to ask for
directions. i asked some guy packing his bicycle onto his car and was
told that the rottnest ferry wharf number 18 was about a few kms away.
Anyways i got there in time to see my kmart friend Leon with 3 very
intoxicated girls. Later i found out that one of them was my sister's
friend's littlest sister and the other was the sister of my highschool
friend. Such a small world. i had a good time. Lots of dancing,
music and looking at the water, and the city lights. Later i took
Leon and the girls to maccas where we chilled for a while before
taking them home. Today i watched The Bourne Identity and Bourne
Supremecy. The movies were quite good. The hero dude was really cool
coz he could get to anyone and could anticipate how things would turn
out. He also has some kick ass moves and takes down people with his
bare hands in a couple of seconds. Now i have to study for my
interview tomorrow. i may have to cancel a centrelink appointment
because of it. Grrr things aren't slotting into the correct
timetable.

Car troubles

There was a big problem with the car yesterday. The oil light came
on, even though i made sure that the engine always had sufficient oil.
It means that the oil isn't flowing through to the engine which is
really really bad. i don't think the mechanics that service the car
have changed the oil even though they said they did. (Or at least
thats what my dad told me). The reason for this is because the oil
seems like a really dark colour. Right now its parked in the driveway
until we and the mechanics can fit in a time for servicing. i really
don't trust the mechanics but my dad does. Hopefully it won't cost
too much. i really hope the engine isn't damaged much.

Hilltop Hoods LIVE!

Had a MASSIVE day yesterday. Went to Ben's house to check out his new
computer fan and also grab some anime. Spent quite a while watching
games and vids and stuff and his dad told me to eat KFC for dinner. i
had a few pieces and had a zinger burger and felt kinda cheap LOL.
When i went home i watched a bit of TV and then found out from my bro
that Daniel was trying to contact me. And then i remembered that we
were supposed to go clubbing for some girl's 21st. So in about 30
mins i got ready and was on the way to metros. We had free tickets to
the special function room upstaris coz 'we' or rather Daniel and his
bro knew the girl. We were told that normal metros entry cost rose
from 10 to 45 and then 70 later one in the night. It was coz Hilltop
Hoods were performing live there. The queuing line grew to a
phenomenal size but we went in through the front coz we had VIP ENTRY.
MUAHAHHA. Had a couple of drinks, sushi and unfortunately had a pretty
close view of a male stripper. We knew that a stripper was coming and
we thought we were safe on the upstairs balcony where it was kinda in
the public because people from the street can see in a bit. Thats also
what the birthday girl thought apparently as she tried to escape from
him and rushed to balcony (where unfortunately for her and for us
guys) was a dead end. It was all in good fun, even though the birthday
girl wouldn't cooperate as much as her friends woulda liked.
Afterwards we went downstairs to the main club where Hilltop Hoods was
performing. They were awesome. When we left, Daniel and his bro
decided to go to Chinatown to try out some mudcrab at Billy Lees. So
we all had mudcrab and fried squid and springrolls. The price was
kinda crazy though, but Daniel's bro decided to pay it all. I kinda
felt cheap again, coz it was the second time that i was getting food
from my friends. Anyways i went home around 2 or 3 in the morning and
crashed till 11 in the morning today.

Tomb Raider Legend

I just found out about Tomb Raider Legend. Wow, there's been a lot of Lara Croft Tomb Raider games. The only Tomb Raider i've ever completed was Tomb Raider 2. i didn't manage to complete Tomb Raider 3. That was the good old days. When i first got the playstation, Tomb Raider 2 was my first game. In fact it was my only game on the playstation for quite a while. The graphics (then) were mind blowing. Not only can i move left and right, but i can see and move up and down. It was probably my first 3D experience. Surprisingly i didn't pay much to Lara's boobs then. Its kinda strange coz i think i was well into puberty then. It must of been because i was too stunned by the 3D graphics. Or maybe because her boobs were way too large to be any real. Or maybe it was the fact that i was more into using her to shoot things. A lot of the games i played before the playstation were platform shoot'em up games. Anyways i looked into the storyline of Tomb Raider Legend and it seemed really interesting. Some forums even say that the game explains why Lara became a Tomb Raider. Anyways Tomb Raider Legend seems more realistic, Lara's boobs are smaller, she looks better, the resolution and quality of Lara and her environment seems more real. Yeah, she is hotter than ever. Maybe i'll get this game once i get my super computer.

Wishlist

i've always wanted to build a computer for MYSELF. My very own
computer. i need to save up about 5000 bucks. Its gonna have a really
good motherboard, a really good cpu, really good DDR2 ram, and a
massive fan.

So far i want to get a Aw8-max motherboard (LGA 775). Still drooling
over it. And for the CPU, i want a Intel Pentium Processor Extreme
Edition 965. Its a dual core chip so it has a 2x2MB cache, 3.73 Ghz,
and 1066FSB. Maybe one day i'll fill it up with 8Gb of ddr2 ram, and
put in the lastest most pyscho uber graphics card ever. Sigh...

Meet Wiffle

Ok, so i got hooked on an item called Eggflips. Maybe its their spikey hair, or their plumplish figure, or maybe its their humongous eyes. Whatever it was, it had a very high cuteness factor. Theres about 25 different eggflips. When u buy one u don't know what u will get because u have to turn it inside out literally to make it like that cute little thing u see in this pic. Otherwise it just looks like a plain single color egg shape thing. Supposedly there is only 5 golden eggflips and if u get that one u instantly win 1000 bucks. There's also larger ones but they are already flipped out and you can't win 1000 bucks from them and they only come in 4 patterns. Also they all come scented. =) Anyways the eggflip i got is Wiffle! He's in the Ultra Rare category. Not as rare as the golden one but in the second rarest category then. Lucky i didn't get the pink one. i'm happy with Wiffle's pattern. It matches the colour of the car.

Music reflections

final fantasy 8 - eyes on me. Long bus rides to Murdoch uni, Rockingham campus. 2002.
Neon Genesis Evangelion - Come Sweet Death. Reading Ranma comics. November 2002.
Rikki - Suteki dane. Working at Palm tree cafe. 2003.
Otoha - Ichibyo no refrain. Bus rides to uni, murdoch campus. 2nd semester 2003
Fiction Junction featuring YUUKA - Akatsuki no Kuruma(Dawn's Carriage). Doing Oracle pracs on weekends at uni. 1st semster 2004

These are some of songs that got stuck in my head through my uni years. All of them were heard during times where it was very silent and i was alone and bored out of my mind. When i hear them, it always reminds me of the real boring quiet times i had. However in 2005, while doing the project in first semester i started listening to more radio music and in 2nd semester started listening to songs my friends listened to which included AFI, Rise Against, Offsring, and others. Nowadays i guess i'm listening to radio music again.

Sad. and funny =)

Paperweight explodes. Poor dude.

Have decided

Have decided to tell my grandpa that its all fixed. It may be a bit
selfish but i weighed the pros and cons. He has to know that i can't
always drop everything to help him. i need time at this stage of my
life to start looking for work and making a career. If the computer
has the net cut off, all he has to do is reboot and try again. i have
to think of myself a bit more and stand up for my own decisions which
i think is right. This allows me to be responsible for my integrity
on doing things of my own accord instead of other people telling me to
do things. i can't always be passive all the time or people will start
taking advantage of me. Anyways i don't like the way my grandpa acts
sometimes. He sometimes scolds unreasonably at my grandma and
sometimes swears as in "F%&* @#%" to my cousins who live with him in
front of my face. i know that i should respect my elders but sadly
sometimes that can't happen. My parents tell me to do what he says
all the time or "he might talk bad about me behind my back". i
personally don't care what bad stuff people say behind my back because
thats all they can do. The people who are stupid enough to believe
gossip deserve to be stupid and deserve to fear what other people can
gossip about themselves. Gonna be MY day today.

Need my own time

i got some stuffs to do but my grandpa wants his comp fixed perfectly.
i dunno how its working now. Shop said that it works fine now, but
i'm not so sure. It sometimes says that it is not connected to the
wireless network and still the internet works. Sometimes it does
disconnect. i got my grandpa using the comp that is connected
wirelessly to the router. He's reading some chinese newspapers online.
i thought he knew how to use a comp but it seems like i was wrong.
He told me to do the search for him. i wonder how he uses the net?!?
Probably gets my cousins who live with him to search for him. He just
reads and clicks on any chinese hyperlink. Things that popup, he
pushes OK to get rid of them. i dunno how to tell him that its bad to
do that all the time. Some webpages put hyperlinks on images that look
like windows popups and he can't tell the difference. i dunno if i
should take it back to the shop or pretend that its all working ok. i
need time of my own. Gotta look for jobs and gotta work tonight. i
can't always drop everything just to help him and i don't want him
bugging me all the time. Dilemma.

Wireless connection

Been pretty busy lately. Trying to get my grandpa's comp working
wirelessly with another comp that has a wireless card then gave up on
that. We bought a new wireless router and tried to get it working
with that. It kinda works. The Internet works even though sometimes
it shouldn't be. =S And sometimes it does disconnect so i dunno. Its
getting fixed at the shop today. Dunno when they're gonna be done with
it. i got 3 days a week a Kmart now. Extra $$$ is good. i've been
doing a lot of cleaning lately. Cleaned my room, cleaned my email
inbox and cleaned the car. Busy as always.

i finally let go!!!

I just want you to know
That I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through
And then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe
That there's a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say
I would do it all again
Just want you to know - Backstreet Boys

i'm glad its not like that anymore. i feel better and i know better.
i finally have let go of the girl i liked for about 2 years. The hurt
was unbearable and i probably would not do it all again. i felt
like i WAS fighting to let her go and i am glad i finally have. It
didn't come that hard. It was just a little shock to find out the
pain wasn't worth it.

i graduate today!

i guess today is an important phase in my life where i finish my
formal educational studies and begin working. Had a bit of stuff to
do today. Yesterday i helped my grandpa buy a computer system, but
the pci wireless card seemed to be faulty. So today we sent it back
for repairs. They said they'll be ready in a few hours so i'm just
waiting for the call from them. Then about 6 i leave the house and go
to the ceremony and hopefully it all goes well from there. i'm only a
little stressed atm. i spent last night chatting with Safina.
Haven't really played much in ages. Did i get bored? Or was i too
busy? Or both? Hmmm. Dunno what to do atm.

Blogging by email

This is a test to see if i can blog using my email. Subject line is
the title post and the email is the post itself. It would be so cool
if this works. It means i don't have to sign into blogger to actually
post onto the blog. If this turns up then it works. =) i hope i did
ok in the interview. They did seem friendly and were doing their best
to keep me relaxed. Took me 30 mins to put on a tie. i got help from
the net. i'm so glad that i don't have to wear a tie if i get the
job. Got a few things to do today.

Interview!!

i just called and now i have an interview in the city at 2:30 pm. Quick check at Multimap.com and reference of latitude and longitude to google earth and now i have a satellite pic and road names to the building. And OMG it's a freaking tall building. i have to prepare for interview and OMG i dunno how to tie a tie!!! i'm doooomed =(

Good things

Last last weekend my grandpa wanted to get his newly bought computer fixed. The computer had a blank screen stayed there for about 3 and a half minutes BEFORE windows began to load. So i checked out the computer and couldn't find out what was causing the mess. i did find that the graphics card didn't match the graphics card on the invoice (it was an older version) and there was a dead pixel on the lcd monitor. So on Saturday i took it down to where we bought it from (AUSTIN) and wanted them to fix it. However, they pissed me off bad by saying that they couldn't replace the monitor even though it said that all hardware parts had a 12 month warranty. They began to say stuff like the manufacturer produces different warranties and that we had to report it in 7 days to get a refund for the monitor. i did point out that they never wrote this down or never told us verbally. Anyways, when i told them about the graphics card they said that the guy for warranties isn't here till monday. So why did we just spend the past 20 mins arguing with this person??? So on monday we took it down and asked for a complete refund on EVERYTHING. They gave us the same treatment saying that they will have a look at it, and can't do anything about the monitor. However a quick mention of a complaint to consumer affairs and he changed his mind and allowed us to have a refund back in cash. i don't understand why things have to be so complicated. i recently heard from RSPCA telling us that the stray cat has been health checked, vaccinated and given a new home. Thats kinda good. It wasn't put down and it won't be lonely ever again. Yesterday i got a call from Kmart regarding the nightfill job. They wanted me to start training straight away. i also got a call for an interview for a helpdesk job but had to delay that interview because of the Kmart training. i'm gonna call about the interview in about 15 mins. Hopefully i get the job. The Kmart training yesterday was alright. Now i get some $$$, i also have to tell centrelink and check bank statements...Argghh so much to do today.

Feeling very annoyed

i hate it when people try to keep things to themselves especially when it doesn't concern them and when i need the information much more than they do. This person probably thinks its cool that he has 'exclusive' access to my work. It pisses me a lot and i feel like bashing the crap out of him, even though i am a pacifist. Maybe it's because i'm having a bad week. No, i think i deserve to beat the crap out of him. I spent a lot of time and effort making some webpages, coding and documentation and now he has access to them and i don't. i've got too much to do at the moment. People are taking advantage of me. i have to learn to say no. It doesn't pay to be nice. Nice people never win.

Stray Cat

i don't know if this week has been the best or the worst time in my life. During the days i guess i am having a really happy time. i don't know if i should be so happy. It's a fantasy i guess. i'm spending a lot of time with someone i like even though i shouldn't like her as more than a friend. i think there is a movie like that called Just Friends, but i'm not gonna watch it. At night, my nightmares are getting worse. i know how they happen. They result from the very very little things that are said or done during the day. Little things that shouldn't bother anyone but affects me heaps. Anyways, on the weekend a stray cat came to our house. It was very hungry and quite young and wouldn't stop meowing so we decided to feed it a bit. We couldn't call RSPCA coz they didn't operate on weekends. We fed it as much as we can and played with it a bit during its stay. We handed over the cat to them today. Hopefully they'll find it an owner that will take care of it well.
Hopefully it won't get put down. Life's not fair.

New vacuum cleaner

i've had a very very long 2 weeks. A lot of stuff happened; most of it bad. So bad in fact that i would rather forget it so i won't be typing it down. We do have a new vacuum cleaner now. Cost about 1000 bucks but it looks really cool. Externally is looks really modern, with the body resembling a black stealth fighter. It's telescopic pipe resembles a shot gun. i'm not joking. But it does seem to be a well designed vacuum cleaner and is much quieter than our last one. It's also more compact and lighter. It has an on board compartment which holds 3 different heads. We had to get a new vacuum cleaner because the old one stopped working. i think we had it for over 18 years already.

Whales revenge

Play the game
Sign the petition

at

http://www.whalesrevenge.com/

Hopefully get 1 million signatures

Is it fate i'll be alone forever?

i don't know if i should believe that my life is already destined. Right now it sucks really bad and i would be really disappointed if the reason i'm sad and alone is due to fate or destiny. i was looking up some stuff on hanging and it seems that a 60 kg person requires about 3 to 4 metres of drop for a compelte break. A lot of the stuff scared me because it laid out everything to expect. Especially that instant death was not certain and that it would involve suffocation and breakage of neck bones. As i was thinking through it all, i got a call for an interview for work. Smells like hope, but i know better. Hope hurts a lot. Whatever comes to me tomorrow, i'll just accept it without expecting too much.

i need sleep

It's almost 3 am and i'm still not asleep yet. i keep thinking sad thoughts and am afraid of what i might do. Nobody to talk to now. Part of me wants to continue thinking sad thoughts over and over so it would be easier for me. The other part of me is just a mess that can't think anymore. Its horrible. Is this stress or depression? i'm stressed coz i'm always depressed and i'm depressed coz i'm always stressed. My life sucks.

Chinese New Year

Well actually Chinese New Year was yesterday. The big feast was the day before. i dunno what to feel about everything. i can still find a bit of happiness but its slowly going away. Even little things make me sad. How can i keep living like this? Is it gonna keep being like this in the future?

Whats wrong with suicide?

i have nothing against suicide as long as its done by adults. Sure, some people wouldn't like it but what if it puts the person out of his misery? Isn't that better than getting him to live a life of sadness? Some people say its selfish, and it would only hurt himself and other people, especially family and friends, but i think in the long run it would be the individual who would be hurting the most. When nobody understands how he feels, or he's tired of pretending to be ok all the time it would be a slow painful torture. Thats why he would choose to kill himself for. i think it would be best to be sad for a short amount of time than to live a long life of sadness and hurt.

New year

The start of a new year for me...no more uni. To be honest i'm not doing that great. Gotta sort myself out. My chicken pox are over so i don't look like a human picnic bar anymore. i'm still in search for happiness...can't seem to find any at the moment though. i've been thinking way too much which is kinda bad. i'm also looking for options. Its not an easy time for me at the moment. Hopefully i'll get by.