Looking out the window

i was looking out the window on a rainy afternoon and noticed a couple of pigeons underneath a shrub taking shelter from the rain. i quickly took a few photos of them together. They look pyscho cute together. It reminded me of what i don't have and what i might never have. i'm really happy for the pigeons but very sad for myself. i wish i can fly away from my life. Ben's birthday party yesterday was alrite. Lots of good food is always good. Lots of his relatives were there. i played pool with Daniel, Adrian and Ben until late in the night. Almost fell asleep at his place. i've had a very rough week. i wanted to sleep and rest today but didn't get a chance. i've been doing too many things for other people and not enough time for myself. i'm losing the chances to take my stress out of my mind.

At least i know for sure

i can't even remember what day i asked her... it was probably on Tuesday. i was glad we could talk over it properly, but also extremely sad. i couldn't let out any tears, but i was probably all ripped apart inside. A minute after when i left, it started raining. i'm not feeling anything inside me anymore. More like empty. It's been a tough week, i dunno how to get over it. i feel like more than a year has been wasted. Oh well, nothing i can do about it. Ben's birthday party is this Saturday. Haven't seen him in ages or the rest of the other guys.

Past memories

i've been thinking a lot about the past during the weekend. Kinda makes me sad that i'm gonna be saying goodbye to uni life soon. i had a lot of fun and made many friends. i'm gonna miss the time i had with friends in ECL labs and then later in PS labs. i might even miss all the late nights i spend in the labs. Its been a place where i could do homework in peace and meditate and reflect on my life. Its also a place where i chilled with many friends as we did uni work. i spent all of yesteday night capturing 2 tapes of holiday video from the dv camera to the computer. Took 3 hours to burn it on dvd. i let the computer auto shut after the burning completes. When i woke up today the computer was switched off, but the dvd burner drive was ejected with the finished dvd. i tested the dvd and the quality on it was very very good. Much more better and clearer than vcd. However it did take some time though. The two videos in the computer took 15 GIGS. The price we pay for quality. i'm at uni at the moment. Spent the past couple of hours organising my bag again. Also printed out lecture notes and readings.

Finished Assignment!

i spent the past week working on my assignment and finally finished it today and uploaded it 10 mins before the deadline. Also i've seem to have caught a really bad cold, but luckily i'm over the worst of it. i am relieved that i have no more critiques to write up. However uni seems to be nearly ending for me so i guess i have to start looking for a job soon. Bummer. i don't know how to feel about everything. i don't know a lot of things... even the things that i think are important for me to know.

Heavy load of homework

At uni again. Been here since 8:30am. Actually not entirely at uni. In the afternoon i went to Garden City with a friend. That was kinda good to get out and relax a bit. But back at uni now and its so boring. i saw a lot of friends today. i guess that's good. Had lunch/dinner with Christy and Jamie at Hungry Jacks. i have to cut back on my junk food intake. Right now i'm a loner at uni. Assignment is coming along fine, but haven't started work on the critiques yet. i was allowed to delay my critique from last week, so now i have two whole critiques to write up. i hope i get at least one critique done tonight. Uber bummer...

Sleeping at uni

i'm in the uni labs again working on assignment. Or at least trying to work on it. Fell asleep a few times whilst listening to music on my zen. i'll probably stay here till around 12. Hopefully i'll get a third of it done. i saw my tutor here a while ago... she said i did well in my previous assignment. i hope she didn't mistake me for another Chris. There's like 2 other Chris's in the same tute. The assignment i'm supposed to be doin now is terribly boring. Bummer. Noone in the labs now. At least i got my zen to fight the quiet mechanical hum of computers and air-cons. i summon punk, rock, jpop, dance, chinese and country music! i'll try not to fall asleep again. Back to uber boring assignment. Have to stay sane.

i think i already know

So...yeh, i think i already know how its gonna turn out...but just don't have the guts to face it..i'll try again tomorrow. Also last thursday my lil bro blew up the computer. He didn't really blow it on purpose, but it died on him. i decided to open it up and have a look. i noticed that a few capacitators were blown or leaking...not good.

Thats the mother board after i removed all the graphics card, modem, firewire, sound and network cards. Below is the obsolete geforce 2 mx 64 mb graphics card:

Here is a pic of the creative sound card:

And our firewire card:

And network card:


And internal modem:


Heres me taking apart the big ass fan/heatsink from the cpu (pentium 4 1.6 ghz):


Pics of the Pentium 4 1.6 Ghz CPU:


So we got a new computer upgrade on the weekend. i picked it up today after uni. Our new computer has the old 40 Gb hard drive as the primary drive, and an extra 120 Gb hard drive as its slave. Also has an additional 512mb ddr RAM over the existing 256 ddr RAM. Has a Intel Celeron 2.8GHz and a new motherboard which has already a network slot and also 6 USB 2.0 ports. We also got a new case and dvd burner for it. The graphics card, firewire and modem has been transferred to the new mother board. When i turn on the computer, everything looks the same, because we used our old hard drive as the primary drive. The only difference is it can now burn dvds and is slightly bigger and faster. i'm kinda happy with it. It helps take my mind off current things that are disturbing me.

have to wait again

Looks like i'll have to wait till tomorrow before i know...another unexpected turn in my life...bummer. i finished my essay at 2:30pm yesterday. i think i did quite good...gonna spend the day writing up a critique. Am at uni now waiting for my sis to do her group work with her group so i can give her a lift back. i wonder how long she'll take? Lucky i got my zen with me. i have so many hours of music to listen to. And it charges through the USB port of a computer. =) It's very convenient.

Feeling lost atm

The unexpected always comes for me. Things never turn out the way i expected even when i thought i planned for everything. Really dunno how to feel. Am so lost as always. Bummer i still have to finish my 3000 essay by 3pm today. Thats a little over 5 hours from now. i wonder if it can make it in time? Its so hard to think right now. Its worth 30% of my final grade. Maybe i should think of how i'll feel after i've finished it. Relieved? Hmmm tempting. Promised myself to not keep my hopes up so i guess i shouldn't...i wonder whats gonna happen tomorrow? i just need to know.

Always more uni work

i presented my seminar yesterday. Talked for about half an hour...got a HD for it!! =) i've just spent over an hour sorting through all the readings and lecture notes and marked submissions in my bag. Took me so long to organise all the paper. But at least i got it done. Now i have to write up my journals which are due tomorrow. i should be able to finish it by today. And then on the weekend i have to do a 3000 word essay. =( It never ends, i'm gonna die doin homework. i hardly see any of my friends anymore. They all seem to have disappeared... maybe its coz they graduated already or are doin different units. Bummer, alone again. What else is new?

Wats wrong with this world?

http://www.komotv.com/stories/38000.htm

All i can say is WAT THE F***
Some people really have nothing better to do...and they get themselves killed in the most amusing way. Animals is bad enough, but what sicko in their right mind would take on a HORSE? What shocked me is that it seems to be legal in Washington State. This is proof that we live in a F***** up world with lots of crazy people. Crazy people die from doing crazy things...or more like Sicko people die from doing sicko things. Moral of the story: Don't be gay and don't take on a horse.

Eagles Lost =(

Bummer. Eagles only lost by 4 points. i hate Sydney...they play so dirty. i'm at uni now doin the critique for the week. Gotta try to focus a little more. i have a lot on my mind. Going to come to uni again tomorrow to start the work for the seminar. Lecturer said it's a hard topic. Bummer again. Still have journals and a 6000 word essay to do. Watched a comedy movie with my cousin on Thursday. It wasn't really that good. i'd prefer a horror even though i'm scared of horror movies. Action movies would be good too. Bummer, i should get back to my massive homework load.

Better now

i'm feeling better now. Or at least better than i was yesterday. i have enough hope to get by, but not so much as i can get crushed again from. i've got other stuff to focus on.. such as my journals, critique, research essay, assignment and a seminar i have to prepare by next week. If i die, i would rather die trying. Pain? i've been through worse.

Torn down

i broke one of the few rules i ever made...never ever to keep my hopes up. Now i feel like i have nothing to live for. i'm really crushed. i need time to think and be alone...i don't want want people barging into this room. LEAVE ME ALONE IDIOTS! Its frigging annoying. i want my privacy...i'm very pissed at the moment. i want to be alone for now. Everybody seems to be disturbing me. i don't want to make it through the week. i can't understand why i was ever born. All i get is misery. There is also uni stuff to worry about. When do i graduate? Why da F*** does everybody ask me that. It has nothing to do with them. Only me. Its really annoying. i have no idea...i have no idea what to do after i graduate. i don't even see myself graduating and finishing uni. No job, no future, no life.

Eagles in Grand Final!

Woopee, i watched the game on TV and it was pretty evenly matched. Crows almost caught up but Eagles managed to kick a couple more goals to stay safe. One of the best games i've seen. They better win the grand final. i've also just finished watching FF7 advent children. Its really awesome. i want a sword like Cloud's. Can be split up into serveral swords or attached together as one. Awesome stuff. Yuffie and Tifa also look extremly attractive...damn animation is getting so realistic now. Fight scenes were extremly entertaining. Makes the Matrix's fight scenes seem extremly dull. Also motorbike chases are so extreme, that the fighters fight on and off their bikes at high speed with melee and ranged weapons. FF7 had one of the greatest story lines ever, and its pretty cool that they use the story to make a movie out of it. Thinking about going to uni tomorrow to write up my critiques and journals. i don't want to get too lazy. i'm also feeling a bit unwell. Maybe i ate too much chicken cacciatore.

Very Confused

i finally finished my assignment and have already uploaded it. i'm gonna relax today and spend the weekend working on the critiques for the week. i asked her out again on wednesday but she says she was busy...i was really down but didn't have much time to dwell on it coz of the assignment. i was really happy when she asked if i wanted to watch a movie with her after the assignment. That was just the day after. It probably didn't mean anything for her though. Honestly girls are very confusing sometimes. i'll probably get torn down into pieces in the end, but i only live once and i still want to try even though i'm expecting to be really hurt later on. i really don't want to keep my hopes up. Thats just suicidal. Hmm so much homework to do. i have to prepare a seminar, start the 3000 word essay, and finish my journals and critiques. Bummer.

Very Happy

i was so happy yesterday...my parents bought me a zen! i promise that i will do anything they say for the next 5 years or until i pay them back. i'm at uni right now listening to it and also writing up my critique for the week. i'll finish in the next 2 hours then i can start on my ICT325 assignment. Also our new neighbours who recently moved in gave us some home cooked muffins. They must be really nice. i can't believe that i have zen that will give me music whenever i need it. Thats already one of my four goals that i have in my life. The remaining three are: a job, a car and a girl.

If i kill myself...

If i do kill myself, i want people to know that for me to kill myself, i would of have to been very sad. So people should take comfort in knowing that i wouldn't be sad anymore if i am gone, whether i disappear completely or if i am in heaven or hell. If i kill myself its because i can't live on with my life anymore so i would probably be doing the right thing to leave and just disappear. Therefore i don't want people to be sad, disappointed or angry that i am gone because they should know that i won't be sad anymore. i also would prefer to be cremated because that would save space. i don't care what happens with my ashes. i'm not gonna kill myself yet, so anybody reading this should not be worried. i'm just writing down my thoughts as they come.

At uni again

Here i am doin essays and stuff at uni. i'm gonna try and get my work done before midnight tonight. Have to write up a 1000 word critique and an outline for a 3000 word essay. i just can't work from home. There's too many distractions. At uni here now and i am the only one in these labs...its so quiet here. All i can hear is the sound of my fingers hitting the keyboard, the quiet humming of the computers and the air conditioning unit. All the computers except this one has a black screen because they're in stand by mode. Kinda peaceful...lonely, but peaceful. i should be able to do my work here.

Google for thought

i think Google is such a successful company. Its not just because its become filthy rich, but because we (or at least i) seem to be using a lot of its services. For example, when we first got the internet, i set google as the homepage because it was nice, clean, simple and took the least amount of time to load up the page. Whenever i wanted to look up something on the net, whether it be music lyrics or code, google was always there to help me. And google also made Gmail. i like gmail a lot because it handles spam very nicely. And also because it holds over a whopping 2GB of email space. Its also loads faster because there isn't any picture ads. i hardly used my old email. Its filled up with hundreds of spam. i would of liked to turn on the function that only enables emails from people within my addressbook, but if i turned that on, i won't be able to recieve any email from my uni. Google also owns blogger, which is pretty cool because i can now experiment a bit with xml stuff and also write down random ramblings and read what other people is rambling on about. Recently i've played with google earth which is fun to use and see places from around the globe. i think its only a matter of time before google takes over the world. i really hope google isn't evil.