i am ******* lazy and sad

Ok. i was supposed to hand my critique in on Wednesday afternoon, but i haven't. In fact i haven't even started it yet. i know i have a good idea on what to write it on but i just can't do it. i don't think that its just because "the first step is the hardest"...the cold hard honest truth is: i am ******* lazy. i would rather eat corn chips dipped in salsa and lots of bread with lots of margarine. i then think i need more exercise than study...i remember i could do 50 push ups and 100 sit ups easy. Now i'm struggling for 25 and 50. i really need to stay in shape. If i am phsyically ok then i will be mentally too i think. A lot has been going on and i dunno how to handle it. i've been getting a variety of advice, but it doesn't seem to work for me. i thought the fear of rejection would disappear after i have been rejected, but its like me and her are coming closer and getting to know each other more. We're hanging out more than ever, and meeting up even when there's no reason to be. i don't understand...she rejected me, but she's getting closer. Doesn't she understand how i feel? Doesn't she know that everytime i am with her i feel torn between leaving and staying? Even when i know that i will be miserable later, i always and still feel happy when i'm around her. i guess i don't know how to let go. It doesn't help that she wants to meet up on a non teaching week. i want to finish my critique even if i get a zero for its lateness. Then i will exercise until the pain in my head would be nothing compared to the physical pain i will experience. i still have hope even when i know i shouldn't.