i messed up

i know i messed it up. i didn't see her at work today. And i don't think i will ever get an opportunity like that again. i shouldn't have hoped so much. Hope is like a fungus or mushroom. It grows in dark places. And if u don't kill it straight away and it turns out to be poisonous, it may end up killing u later. But if it isn't poisonous, it might be good in soup or perhaps even fried. =P i haven't given up yet. i dunno if that is a good or bad thing. Typing the word 'suicide' in the firefox address bar brings up a page designed to dissuade anyone from killing themselves. i agree with the '5 things to think about' except for point 3. Relief may be a feeling that can be felt after the pain has stopped and can only be felt if u are still alive, but if u can stop the pain anyway, isn't that good enough? A few DAYS of despair is surely better than an unforeseen ETERNITY of despair. That's how i see the scales sometimes. Maybe i should get some sleep. i think its late.

Long day

In fact, the past few days have been excruciating long for me. i was
planning on working on friday to meet the girl who may or may not like
me and also may or may not be at work. i guess i'm still kicking
myself for not asking her out that day. But my supervisor called and
said that there wasn't much work to do so i was told not to come. i
wouldn't be working next week (except for friday) coz of the
stocktake. When u want to do something and there's nothing u can do
about it except to wait, it makes time slow down heaps. It also makes
u think that anything bad can happen in this very long wait. Today i
took my lil bro to have a haircut along with myself. After that i
went to buy the movie tickets for Pirates of the Caribbean 2. There
was about an hour till the movie started so i called Daniel and
visited him at work. He gave us free pizza. =) i also remembered to
give him his birthday card. Then i went back to carousel and watched
the movie. It was pretty good and funny. And i'm at home now doing
this blog. i really really need to talk to that girl i like. i
really need to know something. Its not fair i have to wait such a long
time.

Afraid to hope?

We all have heard of the phrase, "Everything to gain, Nothing to
lose." We also have heard of this phrase, "Nothing to gain, Everything
to lose." Well, if u have everything, then there is always the
possibility of losing it all. But then again, if u have nothing, then
there is a possibility of gaining everything. It could be like a
cycle that goes on and on and on. One of the most important things in
life is happiness. If u are happy then there is a chance of losing it,
but if u are not happy, is it ever possible to be happy again? Hoping
to be happy doesn't really work coz its hard to hope if you're
unhappy. i dunno if i am happy or unhappy right now. i don't really
want to hope too much either. i think its probably because i have a
crush on a girl from work. =S i'm happy coz i THINK she MIGHT like
me. But i'm unhappy coz i'm afraid to be happy and hope too much.
Always dunno what to do.

Ice Skating!

i went ice skating with my cuz and her friends yesterday. It was really scary at first because the last time i went ice skating was about 10 years ago. But after 10 minutes of awkward slipping i quickly learnt how to 'skate'. i couldn't figure out how to brake and i can't turn at sharp angles but at least i can go fast and around the ice rink. We played a few games of tag which was fun. i accidently crashed into my cousin at high speed when a kid came out of nowhere and i tried to avoid it. =S We then had lunch at carousel and watched a bit of the Garfield on stage thing. There was a massive dressup of garfield and odie dancing on the stage. =D Garfield is so cool. i need to save up more $$$. i bought Jamie's old computer for 400 bucks and have been playing around with that. i know i have a lot to do but i can't remember.

Lego Mania!

What happens if u cross a police car with a race car?

+

=

U get a street fighting drag machine. =D Ok i seem to have gone a little crazy with lego, but i couldn't help myself coz there was a crazy toy sale. Kmart seems busier than ever coz of the stocktake sale and also the coming of the school holidays. All these parents rushing to buy toys for their kids while the price is cheap is creating a lot of work we have to do when they leave. i also bought myself an Exo-force Mech called the Stealth Hunter. It looks like a cross between gundam and macross. Supposedly there's an alternate model i can build called the stealth wasp. But they don't have instructions for that. i'll try to look it up on the net. The are pics of the stealth wasp and they look really cool. i had to take my supervisor home last night after work. Her car seems to have been in a crash. Anyways it was kinda wierd when as i'm pulling out of the carpark, she tells me to slow down just to yell out random things to my workmates as they are still in the carpark. The same thing also happened when i arrived at the traffic lights and there was a workmate in the lane next to us. Sometimes i think she has maturity of a teenager. i also found out that she lives just down the road from my house. =S It's a small crazy world. Oh well, gonna play with lego now.

Blogging for a year

Actually this is not true. i've been blogging since april in 2004. i
changed to blogger in july 2005 and recently i noticed that its been a
year since i first posted at blogger. i still remember the first post
i made in blogger. It really shows how time flies. i switched to
blogger in an attempt to get away from my own demons, but they seem to
get to me from time to time. i also liked the way i could manipulate
the layout of the blog using blogger's xml scripting. It's really
cool. Going through a year's worth of archives shows that i've had
a lot of ups and downs but i seem to take every day as it comes
without much preparation. Maybe that's a thing i can learn from. i
can't prepare what's gonna happen in the future. The archives shows
what i've been thinking and doing mainly throughout the end of my uni
life to the start of working life. i don't think i've changed much
since the first time i blogged at blogger. i guess i am adapting to
my environment. In other news i took my grandparents home from the
airport today. i was waiting for them in the arrivals section and was
surprised to see them escorted by a nice customs officer. i guess she
wanted to talk to the relatives who could speak enough english to
understand and translate. It turns out that for the fruits or veggies
that ARE allowed to be bought into this country, they must have labels
of the ingredients in English written on the product package. The
only reason she didn't seize all his preserved fruit was coz my
grandpa had a whole massive enormous box of it. But she believed that
there were no egg or milk products in the box coz my grandpa told her
(somehow) that they were strict vegetarians that don't take eggs or
milk. Almost to the extent of vegans. i kinda want my own parents to
come back sooner. Organising dinner for my siblings is kinda getting
tedious now. Kinda not looking forward to work tomorrow. Pyscho toy
sale is stressful.

Got car back!

i finally got the ford laser back. It didn't need a new engine, and
luckily there wasn't any noticeable damage to the engine. The main
problem that caused the whole mess was a clogged oil pump thing. The
previous mechanics tried to rip us off by saying that a new engine was
needed. And i think they were the ones who caused the problem in the
first place by not servicing it well and saying that they changed the
oil when in fact they didn't. Still i heard it was a tedious task to
fix it, coz the engine has to be taken apart to clean it. Boy i miss
being in the ford laser. Having a little trouble getting used to it
though. i think i became lazy and relied on power steering too much.
Hmm gotta decide what to cook tonight before i go to work.

Shot in the head

Had a big day today. Went paintballing with Daniel and his friends in Malaga. That was really fun. i got put into a crappy team i think. In the second round i ran forwards to position myself behind a cover and then started taking pot shots at any bobbing heads peeping out of the opposing side's covers, when an orange SPLAT exploded within 20 cm of my head ON MY OWN SIDE OF THE COVER. i had a strong feeling that i had a very nooby team. Sure enough about 30 seconds later a sharp force hit me on the back of my head followed by a very sharp and also dull pain. i would have thought that the first splat next to my head would have reminded the BLIND and/or MORONIC idiot to AIM FIRST and then fire. Hopefully he doesn't join the army. They seem to have enough problems of their own already and definitely would not want another 'incident'. Some other guy in my team didn't realise that he was firing blanks from his gun which obviously had a paintball jam. i tried to shout it to him, but i don't think he noticed. Overall my side only won 3 out of 8 games. Daniel recieved a few bruises and some kid broke his ankle badly in the capture the flag round. It was very exciting for me when my shots hit the person that is also shooting at me, especially when that dude that charged and panicked when he saw me standing behind a cover with my gun pointing at him which caused him to run around me (not very gracefully) and started shooting wildly, (more importantly inaccurately), which kept me alive and allowed me to 'plant' an orange mark in his face mask at a distance of three meters to end the battle. It was also a bit nerve racking when i realised that my team was really crap and we were probably gonna get hurt with paintballs exiting their barrels at 400kms/hr. Also went to karaoke later in the night. Daniel got drunk and i got him to sing country songs and other funny songs that would seem funny when sung by intoxicated individuals whose normal sober singing may have normally been within a reasonable coherent level, if not for their reaction times which were slowed to the point where words were out of sync with the words on the screen and were 'sung' with such a slurred rambling loud noise-like and sometimes shouting tone that it would have gave a large array of ammunition of self-esteem-destroying verbal insults for the judges of Australian Idol. Anyways it was all in good fun and i managed to get some fresh air away from slaving at work and at home where i have to look after my siblings whose parents decided to go on a one month overseas vacation and happened to be the only "real" cooks in a low-level dysfunctional family that could cook proper asian style dishes that go well with a nice hot steamy plate of rice. Still me and my sis's cooking skills have improved somewhat in the past week although i really do hate my sis's steamed peas, carrots and corn which are completely tasteless but however, we should still be able to keep ourselves away from malnourishment till the time our parents come back. My head still hurts.

New mechanic

i think that my dad is finally convinced that the mechanics are dodgy so we moved the car to a different automobile workshop. The engine might still be salvagable, but it might cost a bit. Currently all options are on the table, fixing the engine, buying a second hand engine or buying a rebuilt reconditioned engine. The mechanic just has to have a look at it first. In the pic, our car is the one of the left and a Mazda 323 is on the right. They both use the same engine; a mazda B6 1.6 L EFI engine. i like the ford laser better. It's more curvier and sexier. =) In other news, i didn't get the Dampier job i really really so wanted. Dunno what to do now. i guess it was just a dream and dreams don't come true for most people. Especially for me =(

What a comeback!

i interrupted my sis's dvd program to see how Eagles were playing against Geelong. i saw that Eagles were getting thrashed by over fifty points and it was already near the end of third quarter so i decided to stop watching and let my sis watch her show. When her show finished a short time later, Eagles were only losing by 2 goals and there was still about 15 mins left. Eagles managed to get in front by a few points but then Geelong kicked a goal to get in front very very near the end of the quarter. Then Geelong decided to waste time which was really annoying. But Eagles had the last laugh when they manage to kick the last goal to get in front. It was a great game. Too bad i missed on most of it, but at least i saw the end of it. i found out today that the ford laser's engine is basically dead. The options are trade in, or get a new engine to be fitted in. We're probably gonna get a 'reconditioned engine' which is basically a second hand engine and the cost is gonna be lots of $$$ and my dad is not happy and is trying to push the blame to me. Anyways, he seems to have cooled down and we were invited to dinner at a chinese restaurant (Chin's Noodle House) by his god nephew. The restaurant kinda pissed us off coz our 'reserved table' wasn't there even though it was already booked. But half an hour later we got down to munching and it was pretty ok. i liked the appetiser with the spring roll wrap with fatty duck meat, spring onion and sweet sugary black sauce. When the wraps finished, i used the fatty duck meat as the wrap (as in picture) and it tasted just as good. Not particularly healthy though. The meal was ok. Long weekend! Whoopee.

Dream car gone.

On Monday, i saw a two door TX3 for sale for only 850 bucks parked
outside a house. But my dad told me to forget about it. i don't
think chances like that are likely to appear again. i feel like i lost
something even though i never had it. Life isn't fair.

Cousin's 21st

My cousin had her 21st birthday party/family/friends gathering last
night. There was lots of good food. i met a few familiar faces,
everybody was busy talking. My cousin seemed happy so that was good.
i would of thought she would be very stressed trying to keep, friends,
family, uni friends occupied. But she seemed happy and that was the
important thing. This morning my very good swedish friend texted and
called me. i was happy that we talked about stuff. My little brother
had his birthday today. i'm thinking about giving him my old phone.
He wanted a USB flash drive, so i'll definetly get him that. i
watched Eagles beat Demons in football today. They almost lost but
luckily they managed to get their skill back and win. i have to
organise to fix the ford laser tomorrow. Bummer, might be a busy day.
This weekend seemed shorter than usual.

My new phone!

i finally got my new Nokia 5140i phone on Monday. Didn't have much time to play with it coz i had work right after i picked it up. i messed around with it all day yesterday though. Customising menus and shortcuts and stuffs. It's got a really cool function that lets me type in notes. It'll be handy if i have to remember something coz i always forget about stuff. It's also got a thermometer, compass, camera, radio and flash light. It's much better than my old Sony Ericsson z200. Now i need to borrow an infrared thingymabob to add in wallpapers and ringtones to personlise it more.

Waiting for phone

The weekend seemed to have dragged on for a long time for me. i
suppose it's because i am anxious to get my new phone. Too bad that
the postal guys don't work on weekends. Hopefully i can pick it up
tomorrow, or at the very latest, on Wednesday. Grrr. i suppose it's
a good thing. Because of my anxiety, my weekend seemed to have been
longer than usual so i get more relaxation time. i watched Eagles beat
Essendon today. Essendon plays so dirty, but at least Eagles showed
that they were on a different class. i was right not to hope too much
about the Woolworths job because i didn't get it. i applied to a
Dampier job, and if i get that one, then i would be over the moon,
otherwise i won't care much coz i won't be thinking too much about it.

New phone!

i always knew i needed, or rather wanted a new phone. i really wanted
a shock proof, durable phone coz i have a bad habit of dropping my
current phone constantly. But i also wanted a camera one. When i
heard from Jamie about his Nokia 5140i, i knew that i needed it. My
current phone is slowly dying. The battery is very weak, and some
buttons and lights don't work anymore. It's over 2 years old so i
thought i needed a new one anyway. So two nights ago, i bought the
5140i online from www.nextmobile.com.au using the cash on delivery
method of paying. That way i don't have to give out my bank details
and can pick it up from the post office. i hope its really that
simple. Final cost of the phone was 256 bucks including tax and
delivery from the eastern states. That was pretty good to me
considering that the optus shop was trying to sell me the 5140 without
the "i" for 300 bucks. i just have to wait for a few more days until
i get to pick up the phone. Also in about an hour, i'm going to the
massive woolworths warehouse near the airport to apply for a job. It
pays well, but i'm not going to hope too much about getting it. i try
not to believe or rely on hope too much. For my own good.

New Hotmail look

It seems like Hotmail has a new look. And also a new name. Windows Live Mail. i was surprised because a lot of the new stuff seemed similar to the features in Gmail. i'm not gonna say who copied who coz i don't know the answer to that. Both emails are in Beta which shows users that they are still developing so there may still be bugs but still allows users to use their service without too much hassle. The Live Mail seems better than the previous Hotmail, probably due to simplicity. Email messages can be 'previewed' instantly without having to return to the inbox. This is particularly helpful if you can tell what you want to read straight from the subject line. Gmail also previews the email but only places a little snippet in the subject line. Live Mail also allows search just like Gmail and also allows easy finds on contacts straight from the To: toolbar. i liked Gmail's searching for contacts better though, because it worked much much faster than Live Mail's. Its interesting to see that both Gmail and Live Mail have calendar links. Live Mail's calendar can be opened through the same window where as Gmail's calendar opens up a new window. Both calendars can be shared by and with other people. Live Mail offers a little bit of personalisation by allowing users to change the colors on its layout in a minor way. Gmail also has a bit of personalisation by offering users to choose xml or rss webclips to be shown at the top of its inbox. Hmm. i grew up with Hotmail, then hated it then converted to Gmail. Is Hotmail's evolution enough to bring me back? i don't think so. i like Gmail better because its faster than Live Mail and also i'm able to read through email quickly and also compose and send mail quickly without having to use the mouse. At this time in my life, that is what i am doing. Sending out emails for job stuffs, sending quick emails, i would prefer to do that quickly. Live Mail still has 2 big picture ads (one on the top and on the right) which i really don't like compared to Gmail's personalised text ads. i would like to use Live Mail to browse through the seek job subscriptions because i get a lot of email sent from them and it would be easier to browse quickly through it all. The only big drawback is that it only works for Internet Explorer 6.0 which stopped working properly on my home computer. It works if i disabled my firewall, but i don't think that is wise. Live Mail doesn't work well with Firefox at all. The preview functions don't work at all in Firefox, so that pretty much kills Live Mail for me. It's a pity they can't (or will not) make it compatible. Gmail converted me from Hotmail because of its simple design. Live Mail does looks better that Hotmail because of its clean look and simplicity. Some of the best things are always the simple things. Gmail is still better =)

Work work work

i've signed some sort of a contract that kinda forces me to do work or
apply to any work that i'm given. i don't mind at the moment because
i need the extra money to fix the car. i tried to get a police
clearance today, but the system was down. i had an interview for a
warehouse job which requires me to do practically full on hours from
7:30am till 3:30pm. i would also be doing my nightfill job from 5pm
till 10pm on top of this. The pay is about the same but at least i
will get the money. i like the money. Maybe after this i would do
another warehouse job that pays even more and requires less hours.
Thats a goal i'm aiming for within the next few weeks. i'm still
looking for an it job. i know that i stuffed up the iinet interview.
Oh well, my mind is set on money at the moment so i'll do anything to
get quick money. Except becoming a gigolo or eating poo or anything
illegal. Gonna buy some steel cap boots tomorrow. Or is it today?
Its past 12 am so its the next day already....blah i need sleep. A
true story this night, my supervisor today told me to take the
Christmas tree prop (part of the Narnia advertising) to the back of
the warehouse store. i was to pull a palette that it was standing on.
Well, the tree didn't make it in one piece past the swinging rubber
doors. It just fell and the swinging doors sort of cut it in the
middle. i pulled the base of the tree and looked at a stump and
realised that the top half of the tree was still on the floor. Later
when i asked the supervisor if she still needed the tree, she told me
"Yes, its very important. Its the Kmart wishing tree where presents
are placed under it and then they are given to improvished children
during christmas." i know it sounds bad, but i thought the situation
was very funny. Luckily the tree was fixed together again. Plastic
products are usually always more durable than the real thing.

Interview at iinet

i had the interview at iinet today. i checked out the place while
driving in the car, missed the turn and was on a freeway south. i then
went into the next on ramp and pulled off the fastest u turn while the
light was still green. i was pretty stressed that i might be late but
i wasn't. i was surprised and happy to see Brice there for the
interview as well. Haven't seen him in ages. The interview was ok, but
the programming was harder that i expected. i had a complete memory
blank on how perl worked. After the interview was done i chilled out
with Brice at the city. He had a thing for japanese food. It was a
good catch up. Nothing seems to have changed that much, except i
don't see my friends as often as i like. Just came home from work at
Kmart and had shower and dinner. Gonna sleep soon. Centrelink
appointment tomorrow morning at 9.

Kmart river cruise

i went to a river cruise at fremantle yesterday. It was organised by
kmart and i only found out that i was going on friday. It took a while
for me to get there. i thought that i would be really late because i
couldn't find the entry for the wharf. When i did make it into the
wharf i found out that it was the wrong one and had to ask for
directions. i asked some guy packing his bicycle onto his car and was
told that the rottnest ferry wharf number 18 was about a few kms away.
Anyways i got there in time to see my kmart friend Leon with 3 very
intoxicated girls. Later i found out that one of them was my sister's
friend's littlest sister and the other was the sister of my highschool
friend. Such a small world. i had a good time. Lots of dancing,
music and looking at the water, and the city lights. Later i took
Leon and the girls to maccas where we chilled for a while before
taking them home. Today i watched The Bourne Identity and Bourne
Supremecy. The movies were quite good. The hero dude was really cool
coz he could get to anyone and could anticipate how things would turn
out. He also has some kick ass moves and takes down people with his
bare hands in a couple of seconds. Now i have to study for my
interview tomorrow. i may have to cancel a centrelink appointment
because of it. Grrr things aren't slotting into the correct
timetable.

Car troubles

There was a big problem with the car yesterday. The oil light came
on, even though i made sure that the engine always had sufficient oil.
It means that the oil isn't flowing through to the engine which is
really really bad. i don't think the mechanics that service the car
have changed the oil even though they said they did. (Or at least
thats what my dad told me). The reason for this is because the oil
seems like a really dark colour. Right now its parked in the driveway
until we and the mechanics can fit in a time for servicing. i really
don't trust the mechanics but my dad does. Hopefully it won't cost
too much. i really hope the engine isn't damaged much.