Not fair

It's been hard weekend for me. So much crap to go through. If there was a fast and easy and painless way to die, i wouldn't hesitate to take it and go. i'm in that horrible state now. i hate being used. i have to find a way to be free. My dad thought it would be a good idea to buy a dvd recorder so that he can hook it up with the video cam to record his stupid dancing. i have no problem with that except he puts pressure on me to get it working. It pisses me off so bad. i was being criticized for plugging in the cables coz my dad thought i was plugging them in wrong. When i try to explain to him that theres no point in plugging the video and 2 audio heads in the 3 HD visual ports he tried to convince me that he's following the manual. It's so friggin stupid. i tried so hard to explain to him that theres no point in it, and that it doesn't work like that but he wouldn't listen. In the end he finally believed me, but i was still very annoyed that it took him so long. i actually had to show him by putting in a dvd that it works MY way and not his messed up way of not actually knowing what he is doing. The problem with some people is that they pretend to be smart but end up doing looking very stupid. He told me to get the video cam to dvd harddrive function working. i guess in the future, it means i have to tape all his crap for him coz he can't be bothered learning how to do it himself. In other news, i found out that my little cousin has leukemia. It's so not fair. No kid 3-4 years old deserves to have needle injections and undergo the pain of chemo. i really hope he does ok. He's learning how to talk and paint. There are his paintings and photos of him self all over the wall in his house. Life is so unfair. He's gonna spend a month in hospital. My parents want to support my uncle and aunty but that's causing them to argue at each other coz it puts pressure on them. They want to organise with my other uncles and aunties to cook for them. i sense that there IS a messed up mixuture of competition or responsibilty of some sort and it is causing troubles beneath the surface. There is never any peace and quiet. This house is so chaotic. i just want it to end so badly. i guess this is how people turn to drugs. i want to drink lots of alcohol and feel the effects. It's a very strong feeling that i want to feel and forget all this crap. i don't deserve this anger and pain.