i messed up

i know i messed it up. i didn't see her at work today. And i don't think i will ever get an opportunity like that again. i shouldn't have hoped so much. Hope is like a fungus or mushroom. It grows in dark places. And if u don't kill it straight away and it turns out to be poisonous, it may end up killing u later. But if it isn't poisonous, it might be good in soup or perhaps even fried. =P i haven't given up yet. i dunno if that is a good or bad thing. Typing the word 'suicide' in the firefox address bar brings up a page designed to dissuade anyone from killing themselves. i agree with the '5 things to think about' except for point 3. Relief may be a feeling that can be felt after the pain has stopped and can only be felt if u are still alive, but if u can stop the pain anyway, isn't that good enough? A few DAYS of despair is surely better than an unforeseen ETERNITY of despair. That's how i see the scales sometimes. Maybe i should get some sleep. i think its late.

Long day

In fact, the past few days have been excruciating long for me. i was
planning on working on friday to meet the girl who may or may not like
me and also may or may not be at work. i guess i'm still kicking
myself for not asking her out that day. But my supervisor called and
said that there wasn't much work to do so i was told not to come. i
wouldn't be working next week (except for friday) coz of the
stocktake. When u want to do something and there's nothing u can do
about it except to wait, it makes time slow down heaps. It also makes
u think that anything bad can happen in this very long wait. Today i
took my lil bro to have a haircut along with myself. After that i
went to buy the movie tickets for Pirates of the Caribbean 2. There
was about an hour till the movie started so i called Daniel and
visited him at work. He gave us free pizza. =) i also remembered to
give him his birthday card. Then i went back to carousel and watched
the movie. It was pretty good and funny. And i'm at home now doing
this blog. i really really need to talk to that girl i like. i
really need to know something. Its not fair i have to wait such a long
time.

Afraid to hope?

We all have heard of the phrase, "Everything to gain, Nothing to
lose." We also have heard of this phrase, "Nothing to gain, Everything
to lose." Well, if u have everything, then there is always the
possibility of losing it all. But then again, if u have nothing, then
there is a possibility of gaining everything. It could be like a
cycle that goes on and on and on. One of the most important things in
life is happiness. If u are happy then there is a chance of losing it,
but if u are not happy, is it ever possible to be happy again? Hoping
to be happy doesn't really work coz its hard to hope if you're
unhappy. i dunno if i am happy or unhappy right now. i don't really
want to hope too much either. i think its probably because i have a
crush on a girl from work. =S i'm happy coz i THINK she MIGHT like
me. But i'm unhappy coz i'm afraid to be happy and hope too much.
Always dunno what to do.

Ice Skating!

i went ice skating with my cuz and her friends yesterday. It was really scary at first because the last time i went ice skating was about 10 years ago. But after 10 minutes of awkward slipping i quickly learnt how to 'skate'. i couldn't figure out how to brake and i can't turn at sharp angles but at least i can go fast and around the ice rink. We played a few games of tag which was fun. i accidently crashed into my cousin at high speed when a kid came out of nowhere and i tried to avoid it. =S We then had lunch at carousel and watched a bit of the Garfield on stage thing. There was a massive dressup of garfield and odie dancing on the stage. =D Garfield is so cool. i need to save up more $$$. i bought Jamie's old computer for 400 bucks and have been playing around with that. i know i have a lot to do but i can't remember.

Lego Mania!

What happens if u cross a police car with a race car?

+

=

U get a street fighting drag machine. =D Ok i seem to have gone a little crazy with lego, but i couldn't help myself coz there was a crazy toy sale. Kmart seems busier than ever coz of the stocktake sale and also the coming of the school holidays. All these parents rushing to buy toys for their kids while the price is cheap is creating a lot of work we have to do when they leave. i also bought myself an Exo-force Mech called the Stealth Hunter. It looks like a cross between gundam and macross. Supposedly there's an alternate model i can build called the stealth wasp. But they don't have instructions for that. i'll try to look it up on the net. The are pics of the stealth wasp and they look really cool. i had to take my supervisor home last night after work. Her car seems to have been in a crash. Anyways it was kinda wierd when as i'm pulling out of the carpark, she tells me to slow down just to yell out random things to my workmates as they are still in the carpark. The same thing also happened when i arrived at the traffic lights and there was a workmate in the lane next to us. Sometimes i think she has maturity of a teenager. i also found out that she lives just down the road from my house. =S It's a small crazy world. Oh well, gonna play with lego now.

Blogging for a year

Actually this is not true. i've been blogging since april in 2004. i
changed to blogger in july 2005 and recently i noticed that its been a
year since i first posted at blogger. i still remember the first post
i made in blogger. It really shows how time flies. i switched to
blogger in an attempt to get away from my own demons, but they seem to
get to me from time to time. i also liked the way i could manipulate
the layout of the blog using blogger's xml scripting. It's really
cool. Going through a year's worth of archives shows that i've had
a lot of ups and downs but i seem to take every day as it comes
without much preparation. Maybe that's a thing i can learn from. i
can't prepare what's gonna happen in the future. The archives shows
what i've been thinking and doing mainly throughout the end of my uni
life to the start of working life. i don't think i've changed much
since the first time i blogged at blogger. i guess i am adapting to
my environment. In other news i took my grandparents home from the
airport today. i was waiting for them in the arrivals section and was
surprised to see them escorted by a nice customs officer. i guess she
wanted to talk to the relatives who could speak enough english to
understand and translate. It turns out that for the fruits or veggies
that ARE allowed to be bought into this country, they must have labels
of the ingredients in English written on the product package. The
only reason she didn't seize all his preserved fruit was coz my
grandpa had a whole massive enormous box of it. But she believed that
there were no egg or milk products in the box coz my grandpa told her
(somehow) that they were strict vegetarians that don't take eggs or
milk. Almost to the extent of vegans. i kinda want my own parents to
come back sooner. Organising dinner for my siblings is kinda getting
tedious now. Kinda not looking forward to work tomorrow. Pyscho toy
sale is stressful.